Tuesday, 28 December 2010

jap jap jap...

macam pelik kan orang suka baca something yang simple and short.
any idea why?

to I.A.M .... again

You make yourself look disgusting women!

To you who I know for two years, it such a shame that you acting like a running nose kind of children. Shame on you! I should put myself way up high so that I won't see you anymore. To you who I always adore, you make me vomit when I think of you. From now on, you are an annoying anon that likes to make fake stories. So that everybody will pity for you. I could care-less about you who always think that you are 24/7 right. Beyond my wild imagination, you are a piece of thrash.

This is my weakness. Always made easy way for people to ask for apology. I'm the one who accept you to be a part of my story. I shall regret by now. What should I do to this kind of person like you? Can I tell everybody in this world that you are A S**t​? god won't forgive me to this kind of blackmailing. Hehe...by the way, you can teach me how to hack people's facebook or YM!?

Shame on me because I had cried for you. Wasting my tears so that I'll looked more stupid in front of you! Wait a minute... is this kind of slander? I hope not because this women is way too much to be discovered. Am I bad? I think not because as far as I concern she is the one who ruin my life since I'm in form 5. yes,she did. And I'm the one who trapped in her fake lies that turn out to be I totally believed.

You with your biggest jealousy should fade away from my life and my best friend's life. You are more like a devil to both of us. Your mom shouldn't know who you are at the first place because she might get a heart attack to see you like this. Shame on you! How could you do this to us! Oh, maybe you wanna get more attention and you think it is not enough to be in the center of attention. I don't know what is your purposes. But we said, enough is enough.

So, our life continue as beautiful like we wish for without you. We remind ourself not to think about the past. It would bring heartache when we think about it. Go away! Go far away! We don't want to interfere. We don't want to see your face. Because your smile is fake. Please go away...

As time pass us by, you come into my life like nothing had happened. Aren't you ashamed of yourself because being so cheap? By making such a lies, you are going to repeat what you've done before. You should aware of what you are talking about. I'm not going to be foolish again. Your presence is remarkably annoying. I pretend to be as normal as I know that everybody had their own imperfection. Let me see... you are doing great with your sympathy to be sold cheaply. You are selling your own dignity, to a human called men. You have such a lowlife. I don't think you might be save by doing it.

We, the people who love you. Tried to change you, but you become from something to nothing. We are so shock with your changes. All of sudden, you become an anon to us. We don't know you anymore women! We don't know who are you! I dare to tell you, when you are mature enough don't try to ask us for apology because your sin is not for us to forgive but to god whom you've sin. My time are lesser than you think. I know that I might not live forever, I repent. I hope you do. Innamal aqmallu. Astaghfirullahal'azim.


Grown and Sexy

For about a week I haven't post anything stupid about myself. Frankly, I do love to do it. It makes me feel great about myself. My last post was about my self-assured and my biggest regret of life. Maybe out there,there are many people who had been through more complicated life than me. Each person in this world have their own faith and path. I have mine though. Many of my friend gave advises which built my self-confidence. Thanks buddy. Not to forget my beloved family for being with me when my life was ruin in a sec. Unfortunately, there are some anon (which is,i believe as not-so-close friend) tried to exploit my hope. Then again, here is Arina. Being so straight and miss doesn't-know-anything. Love to help her friends until she is way too far behind. I still have my own faith, Astaghfirullah. After the result is released, me.... Arina!!! OMG. I really can't believe what I saw back then. Disappointment, yeah! A very very veryyyyyyy baaaaadddd result. I felt that I am the most bad daughter in the whole world. Not only bad but also a killer. I have killed my parents hope. They always give high expectation. I am the one who took away those hopes. I'm sorry,i didn't mean to.

Allah still loves me. I do regret some of my wrong doing when I was in semester one. He really shows, me that sometimes when we forget about Him, He will shows us something beyond our imaginary. I really get down on my knees. My heart burst. For one whole day, I didn't felt that I'm touching the dirt. I deeply felt that I'm weak. I walked slowly reminded myself not to do something 'tact'. I really don't know what to do. Sure enough. I've lost my way because I got plans to be fulfilled. Can you feel what I feel? If yes, give me advice. If not, don't try to change what you've plan.

Everything in this world is not free. All the thing that we had, are borrow. When the time comes, we should give the thing that we've borrowed. You should believe me, believe what is karma. Dogma also. Hehe... I put a lot of effort to find my way out or to solve my studies problem. Allah will give me another chance to live. Suicidal is the crime that i did for myself. Tentatively, without a knife, I put myself to an end. Shamefully shameful to live because my besties, dahlia, aisyah, pooi sze, eti, and also tiwah. They are much better than me. I do felt far away from them in education. They are so great in everything, meanwhile me? Regardless of this, I put myself below where I can hide myself. Oh my... I got some severe illness.. self-confidence. Please... I really want to continue my degree. I know if I cry, it doesn't change a bit.

Please pray for my success. I really need it. I keep on promising. To my good friend, where are you when I need you? Are happy with what you have ? I really miss you. Can we meet each other someday? If you promise me, I'll wait because you know that I'll always be with you eventhough you are in Borneo. =)

Monday, 20 December 2010

bila semua kita rancang...

salam santiago and maria...

post kali ni tulis ikut hati dan perasaan.
sebab memang dah takda mood dah. hati tawar.
so.. bila kita sentiasa rasa kita kat atas...
walaupun stadi tahap gaban.. tak semestinya kita rasa kita ni secure sangat
ingat boleh berjaya sampai dapat segulung ijazah.
now benda ni kena tempias kat muka aku. and aku sangat berduka cita
Allah maha adil... kalau Dia cakap nak, ok teruskan.
kalau cakap tak, so you've to stop.
segala penat lelah sem 1, aku dok bagai nak ghak pikir stadi...
now aku terpelanting kat belakang balik.
aku kena terima kenyataan kejuruteraan bukan milik aku..
now aku dah padamkan semangat.. aku nyalakan yg baru...
aku tahu ade peluang untuk aku tunjuk kat keluarga aku dan rakan2 yang
aku boleh buat.
aku bukan nya berseronok sangat pun kat uitm. tapi.. aku taktahu laaa..

Tuesday, 7 December 2010

the self-damnation



aku still kat kolej sebab petang angah ajak balik rumah untuk buka puasa. I thought angah dah start cuti and aku tak kemas barang apa-apa lagi, even worst tak plan pun nak balik segala jadah ni. But angah texted me and she said that, nak balik rumah jumpa irfan. Unfortunately, irfan dah balik pahang nak jumpa atuk dia yang lain. It's okay. He will grows up fine. Everybody loves Izz Irfan. Angah ambil aku around 2 pm lepas zohor. This time angah drive. Abang nizam jadi co-pilot.

Nak dijadikan cerita, sebenarnya aku and neddy momor memang dah lama gila plan nak jumpa. Just nak jadikan ia realiti, kena ada penyokong. aku ngan sabrina have decided nak sewa kereta area shah alam ni. So, pagi tuh... aku dah text emel mintak no kereta sewa. Sabrina pulak search kat internet. Last2, ambil jugak kereta myvi auto ni walaupun mahal. So kitorang akaaaaaaaaan terbang di atas kertas not 100 ringgit. Sewa kereta tuh rm100/day. Takpa sebab worth it. Aku balik kolej awal lepas berbuka puasa kat rumah. Around 10pm dah sampai shah alam.

Aku berlari naik tangga, malas nak guna lift sebab tingkat satu je pun. Cari dia kat bilik aya... tarak. Pika cakap cari kat bilik sabrina. Aku lari lagi... ok. I found you. Ohh.. dengan aya rupanya. Tengah kemas beg. Then, sabrina cakap dia dah sewa kereta tuh and pukul 10.30 pm dah boleh ambil kereta tuh. Masa tunggu tuh, aku main gitar and ade zara!! dia tengah lepak dalam bilik aya. I didnt expect dia ada dalam bilik, aku akan malu nak main gitar depan dorang if tak pernah lepak segala.

Now, 10.30 pm. Kitorang tunggu kereta myvi tuh depan gate mawar. Then dalam 10 min tunggu tuh... ade 2 buah kereta datang dari gate besar. Hohohhh... itu lah dia kereta (sewa) kami. Myvi oren2 merah2 sikit. CBX 1967. I still remember this baby. Then ape lagi kitorang rembat lah kereta nih. Pasang lagu kuat2, air- cond max, and drive dangerously. (tipu je) haha!!! sabrina drive that car... pi KFC. Pi 7-eleven. Beli barang2 yang sepatutnya...

The plan after got that car;


1- cari bus station untuk pika zara and pija kat seksyen 17.
2- pi putrajaya rumah wawani sebab nak tahu precint 10 kat mana.
3- pi klcc sebab nak cari mana the ship
4- driving lesson.
5- downtown morning walk
6-sleepless night
7- lab class
8-pi lanai photograph session
8- pi gathering kawan2 untuk berbuka puasa
9-karok till pecah tekak
10- hantar azwa and kira balik rumah
11-bersahur kat rumah wani, aku masak sardin!
12-tidur till 2pm
13-basuh kereta
14-hantar aya balik rumah
15-buka puasa kat wangsa walk
16-jalan2 sampai pukul 10.10pm
17-hantar CBX 1967 pada tuan yang asal =(

best tak plan dia. Overall sleep time aku adalah 8jam untuk 3hari ni. Tak tidur pun takpa lah. Spend time ngan kawan2 bila lagi! Tunggu dah takda baru sedih2. Kat atas ni plan yang dah berlaku. Saje je tambah2 nak bagi nampak gempak. Tapi memang gempak pun. Haha!! gelak je. Bergembira! And lotsa pix! By the way sabrina... aku ade 7 bulan je nak bergembira ngan kau kan? So lepas ni kita pi wall climbing and go-kart okay?

Enough with the plan stuff. Now it is time to full-filled it! Hehe... malam tuh kitorang round2 satu shah alam, sebab nak cari bus station untuk member. So, semua ceruk dah pergi dah. Expert lah ni. But... ada satu tragedy ogos oktober berlaku, bila kitorang kat seksyen 15... kitorang tak nampak pun ade sign tunjuk arah tu one way, and kitorang kene buat U-turn... and jalan tuh hubung dengan hi-way dari klang express hi-way. Dah pukul 1 lebih dah time tuh... and mata pun bukan nampak pun. Nampak je gagah. Tapi aku rasa sabrina tak lah. Dia driver. Aku co-pilot dia. Masa tengah laju nak turun ke jalan besar... suddenly ade flash light dari arah depan... kitorang pelik lah kenapa ade kereta lain pulak...one more thing, lane kitorang ni dah dead end.. so, nak teruskan, sabrina turn to the right, so that boleh jalan... tak semena2 je... ade kereta laju dari depan , iyalah dari hi-way... and sabrina terus accelerate ke kanan untuk elak kereta tuh. Kereta tuh pun aku rasa tak perasan kitorang sedang menghadap dia. Hahah.. aku dah cuak gila dah. Memang gila cuak. Sebab tak prepare pun nak mati eksident ni. Hehe.. gurau.dah turn to the right tu, ade pulak longkang kat situ nak lalu ade bukit2 skit. Kereta yang masuk seksyen 15 ni memang laju2. Tak sempat nak reverse lansung. Ape masalah pun taktahu. Rupanya... seksyen 17 stesyen bas tuh dekat dengan ole2 mall. Iyalah, mana tahu selok belok kat shah alam ni. Kata new student, then lepas dapat cari tuh, aku jerit aaaa, sebab dah berjaya cari lokasi yang dikehendaki... tuh pun banyak rintangan. Dengan abang burger shah alam cakap versi terengganu lagi. Hahah!! takpa. Kita teruskan perjalanan ke putrajaya.

Rumah wawani...

so, dengan berbekalkan 2 large pack McD kentang goreng dan shmooookkk in green versi sabrina ... KAMI AKAN KE PRECINT 10, PUTRAJAYA!!! now, lalu la federal highway, and before masuk tol salak south tuh. Lalu Lanai and... dah sampai! Hoho...kejap je nak cari precint 10 tuh. Nak cari rumah dia satu problem sebab kat situ banyak rumah, and no rumah pun tak nampak. Haikh... then call lah dia. Mase ulang alik kat jalan yang sama tuh... rupa2nya simpang rumah dia kat sebelah tempat kitorang asyik lalu tuh. Okay wawani...we now know where you live. Masuk rumah dia then … lepak2 segala till 2.30am. By the way, mama dia takdak rumah sebab pergi umrah. Papa dia jep ada. Tapi dah lama tidur. And adik lelaki dia ada kat hall tengah tidur. Mase lepak2 tuh... sabrina sempat call aya. Okay time's up.

I drive sabrina ! Sabrina teach me!! polis ronda sebelah kereta je mase aku tengah drive! I am nervous but she tell me not to. I try to be as cool as I can be. I know how to drive. Haha... okay, plan sebenarnya nak pi KLCC nak cari The Ship restaurant kat Kg Baru ni. Tapi time tuh tak tahu nape , we are now heading to Cheras. Ohhhh... pergi downtown pada 3am. Ramai gak la orang time tuh. Mase otw nak ke downtown tuh. Aku ajak la sabrina pi tengok rumah aku jap. Hoho. Nak kasi dia tahu rumah aku kat mane lah kan. Sekarang dia dah tahu mana rumah aku.
DOWNTOWN!!! here we go!!! bought some jeans. Urut kaki. RM20. Smoking hot. We dont know where to go. No direction. And we were just wandering around that place. About 5pm, off to shah alam back... to seksyen 2, kick some breakfast have some coffee.

Kakak McD and spilled coffee on my lap.

Shait that kid. She was so clumsy till this hot coffee got spilled on my lap. And I was MF shouted at her. NVM. Thats your grandmother. And some Bi freaking me out at the ladies. They were spying on me. (is this kind of _________) . kami selalu tak tahu nak pergi mana. Until we drove around shah alam, and the beauty lies , we saw something... we wandered around the mosque, time tuh orang tengah solat subuh. Tetibe insaf. Hah... lepasni jadi setan balik. Haikhh... next... went back to college. Sleepless night continued.


Went for VHDL class. Without any preparation about the programming. That day... hujan lebat. And nak pergi faculty kena jalan kaki. Then faizer hantar... sama sekali ngan zara aya pika pija. Sabrina hantar dorang ke stesen bas. Sebab dorang kan nak balik rumah. Aku penat sangat, tapi takda lah sepenat sabrina yang kena drive all night long. Kami bergembira. Aku habis kelas VHDL pukul 10.30am. Having some difficulties about the installation of the CD. Ahhh.. takpa lah. Aku balik terus bantai tidur. Macam tidur2 ayam lah time tuh. Sabrina and aya should've slept. Ntah... hari tu aku takda mood sangat. Pukul 12 patut nya dah mandi and siap2 nak ambik wawani kat rumah dia kat putrajaya. Amazingly. Kami tak tidur. Dah macam burung hantu dah. Jalan nak susur keluar ke lebuhraya sangat la pack dengan kereta. Kami stuck lama sket kat sana. Pukul 1pm baru ade kat batu tiga, shah alam. Ride smoothly. Okay, wawani dah siap, kitorang nak pergi!!!


wah... petang2 ni lawa tangkap gambar. The best moment to keep the memories. Banyak jugak snap gambar. Hp kira, hp aya, kamera sabrina. That place macam gilaaaaa best. Korang patut pergi. Then teruskan perjalanan ke KL!!! time tuh tak sangka pulak hujan, tapi takla lebat sangat. Kitorang ingat nak pegi midvalley, but I texted nadira aqilah , dia cakap tempat tuh akan jammed. So, kitorang terus heading to Kg. Baru without hesitation. Wah... KL! Bad traffic. Banyak kereta area KLCC. The main target here was... to search for the place called THE SHIP. I know that the place is near to Kg. Baru. The specific place are not sure. Berhimpitan dalam kereta satu pengalaman yang indah because KL hampir nak banjir. We were wondering around kat tempat yang sama. pasar malam kat Kg baru menyebabkan traffic jammed yang heavy. So, like call apush and azwa, to know where we can breaking our fast, I mean the place. Apush pun bagi idea bukak puasa kat kedai mamak and azwa pulak cakap tak kisah nak pi bukak puasa kat mana sebab time tuh pun dorang still inside KTM segambut. Lupa nak contact neddy, ohhh dia ade dengan apush. So nevermind then. Kami arrived awal, so we decided to change the location. Then apush call balik, kitorang time tuh memang dah lost dengan hujan nya, dengan jammed nya. We thought that things will get worst before azan starts. Tapi apush gave another idea, sabrina terus drove to the place called...


bless you. Kitorang dah sampai tempat ni. Pastu reserved tempat duduk for about 20 people I think. XPDT's and PST's. So, sabrina park the car outside of the restaurant. And wait for the other to come. Aku take a nap. After 10 minutes, datang si siput sedut, nadira aqilah with her new hair I think. Ohhh dia colour kan rambut dia. Bukan main dulu dia kutuk rambut neddy terbakar, now rambut dia pulak yang terbakar. Hahahha!!! this time, rindu matrik membara. Seriously, I can't forget anything about it. Time tu dah pukul 7pm. So we went inside. In between tuh, ade adegan cari azwa and ain kat ktm. We don't know the exact place, so ade adegan lost and hampir mati punya cer. Segalanya si sabrina ni lah, and nadira aqilah si penunjuk jalan. With the help of nadira's mama. Soon, dah sampai and pick them up. Sampai2 je dah nak azan dah time tuh. Soon, nampak neddy, I thought I wanna have a chit chat with her, but dia sibuk tangkap gambar and berapi2. Aku pun sempat berapi2 bersama dia. Still I don't have the chance to share my story with her. Btw neddy, aku kena face-to-face with you if I have the problems to share. Aku taktahu la when the day will be the day. Sebab when kita keluar sama je, mesti time tuh kita tengah bergembira. Time tuh tak sesuai nak cer segala hape. Kita ade banyak cer sebenarnya. If god give us time to spend, i'll make full use of it. Lepas makan ala western tuh, kitorang decide nak karok kat redbox. Then semua rushed ke sana. Jalan kat KL ni memang selalu jam. Sebab peak hour kan. Tempah bilik, and karok ramai2. Best. Unfortunately, nad kecik balik dulu. Ade hal kot. Pastu mila ngan kawan dia plak balik. But nevermind... sesi photoshoot kat basement. Snap sana snap sini. Then time to leave...

Hantar Azwa and Kira balik rumah.

Scene ni aku tak berapa nak ingat. Jalan nak ke rumah azwa and kira aku tahu just nama tempat tak tahu. Dalam kereta myvi tuh berhimpit-himpit tapi its fun. Aku rindu dorang semua. Azwa, yang cheerful and kira yang good listener. Thanks sebab gave a blast memories. At first wani yang drive hantar dorang semua. We've decided to sleep at wani's house. Apparently, kawasan rumah azwa ramai betul ***** haha... sampai naik takut nak masuk kawasan tuh. After hantar azwa kat stesyen minyak, semua ayam dalam kereta tuh terasa lapar. So, kita pesan McD. YEAH!! balik cam biasa. Aku letih. And semua orang pun sama. Tapi wani kept on driving. Syabas!

Wawani's House, Putrajaya.

Kami tidur kat sana. Dah tak tahu nak drive mana lagi dah. Masing2 dah letih. Dalam.rumah tu actually ade ayah and adik wani. Dengan keadaan penuh malu, kami pun masuk lah dalam rumah dia. Hehe.. wani bentang tilam. And kami terbongkang tidur. Tak ingat dunia dah. Dalam sedap2 tidur tuh, time to sahur. Bangun je, terus pi dapur. Aku janji kat dorang aku nak buat sambal sardin. Haaa... masak lah aku kat dapur wani. Then, ayah wani ade. I was like malu malu. Haha!! korang mesti tak kenal aku lah. Then ade satu scene menarik, di mana aku terambil susu pekat yang ade tongkat ali inside. Cehs.. habis the susu tuhhh.. rasa pelik gak minum tongkat ali. Tak pasal2 badan rasa panas dan tetibe jadi lelaki. Kahkah. Silly me. Lepas makan. Sambung tidur balik. Till 1 pm kot. Not very sure about time. Tapi kitorang bangun tidur exactly dah noon dah time tuh.


We're still at Wani's house. Yet felt so smelly. Mandi pun tak lama. Well, kitorang tak mandi pun actually. Balik terus ke Shah Alam. Masa kat seksyen 16 near to Giant hypermarket, Sabrina decided nak basuh kereta kesayangan kitorang ni. Walaupun kereta sewa... sayang kot. Banyak bagi benefit and sangat comfit. Hehe... lain kali aku nak sewa lagi kereta ni. Nyam nyam... ade satu scene menarik mase tengah basuh kereta ni. Sabrina, acting like a guy, for your information... chinese guy. Dah la bulan puasa. Then dia pi s******. mana lah abg tuh tak tegur. Dia cakap, tak puasa ekh. Time tuh dia tengah bendera jepun, so like tak boleh fasting. Sabrina buat taktahu je. Aya and me pun tergelak kat tepi tengok abg bangla tuh tak puas hati dengan sabrina. Hoho... abg bangla dua orang tuh basuh kereta about 30 mins. Bayar & belah. Masa tengah basuh kereta tuh, aku ngan sabrina decided nak hantar aya balik rumah dia, dekat gombak tuh. Then... petang tuh lepas settle things up. Termasuk kemas barang aku. Aku bawak barang2 yang patut turun bilik aya. FYI, time tuh ptptn dah masuk dah. Ekeke... suka2.! Tapi first2 tuh memang ade niat nak buat something for myself. Now 2010-2011 tak tercapai hasrat sebab terlampau banyak impian yg tak dikecap. Ok back to story.... kitorang ni, tak tahu rumah aya kat mana. Tahu kat gombak sana. Tapi jalan dekat nak pi sana tak tahu. Dia pun tunjuk la nak lalu mana... jalan yang paling jaaaaaauuuuuuuhhhhhhh. Hahah.. stuck in jam. Then, lalu aaa hiway mana2 ntah. Then sampai. Rupanya, jalan paling dekat nak pi rumah dia ialah MRR2. Hahah!!! thanks aaa aya. You're the best. Sampai kat sana dah nak maghrib. So, lepas hantar aya kat rumah. Kitorang pun gerak keluar. Lagi satu hal, kitorang tak tahu jalan keluar, now, ikut kata hati. Disebabkan aku tukang tunjuk jalan. Aku berserah jelah kat diri sendiri. Saje tunjuk macam gagah kat sabrina. Sebenarnya nak nangis dah time tuh. Hahah!!! kalau aku ingat balik saat ni. Aku tergelak sebab sekarang ni aku kerap lalu jalan near to wangsa walk. Dekat je ngan rumah ajim and farrah. Hahaha!!! mana la tahu semua ni. Kitorang decide nak buka puasa kat wangsa walk tuh. Masuk aja. Terus cari domino kot. Tak ingat. Tapi sabrina ade discount coupon. er.. lah2 cari games station. Main la kitorang hingga nak maghrib sampai lupa nak bukak puasa. Sabrina tak. Aku ya. Then makan la kat satu tempat ni. Makan nasik ayam kot tak ingat. Tapi sedap lah. Sabrina ingat tak!!!??? then balik, sempat tengok2 hp. Haha.. padahal time tuh abg aku dah call, bila nak balik rumah semua, but still I can't get enough of it. Still nak lepak ngan sabrina. Best memory. Kan sabrina... banyak benda kan kita share. Nak tahu tak best place nak cer semua masalah aku. Kat dalam kereta, kita dua orang je ada. Haaa... time tuh aku selesa. Bukan text weh. Aku taknak text and simply tell you my prob. That's really uncomfortable. Ok back to story again... malam tuh kita balik uitm. Ade mase lagi 10 min before kereta kena hantar kat tuan punya kereta. How I miss this car so much. Seriously. Lepas ni kita ade buat macam tuh lagi tak sabrina? Herm... pusing2 satu uitm. Tak tahu man dah pergi. Uitm besar sangat. Then time tuh dah pukul 10.10pm. Time to say goodbye to myvi. Hoho... tunggu abang tuh amek kereta kat belakang mawar. Then kitorang siap2 sebab nak balik dah rumah masing2. (^_^)

p/s: cerita ni amek masa 3 bulan nak siap. Punyalah malas nak cerita. Tapi dengan izin, akhirnya selesai. Sebenarnya, nak buat cerita keluar ngan apush and nad masa malam raya tuh. But then, I really forgot what the scene back then. Hopefully, friendship kita won't fade away k sabrina walaupun kau macam2 budak2 sometimes, hehe.. aku pun sama.

Saturday, 4 December 2010

someday you will read this, i know.

To a person named I.A.M,

When we first met, I was in a secondary school in Malacca. You're my junior at that time. Boarding school to be exact. You stepped into my D*** innocently. It made me wonder, who are you, the real you. Finally. Without my prior knowledge... you revealed yourself on 23rd of May 2007. Let me get this clear. You've changed me. A lot. A lot until I fall down on your knee, begged you not to leave me. I still remember how you treated me. How you back stabbed me. I'm not holding grudge. It is unforgettable memory. The past washed me away to be this strong in such a coward way. I was so cheerful and clever, but when it comes to you, everything get messed up. I've lost everything including my dignity. I'm so stupid when I said YES to you. I never thought it will be this painful. The happiness only temporary but the scars remain so deep till I can't watch your face. But my finger kept on messaging you to ask whether you are in a good condition or not. I'll always wary. To me, you're just a kid that is so weak to stand on h _ _ own. I miss us. Yes. Maybe I just miss the old us. But I know, we will never going to make up in any way. It is wrong to love and to be loved in this manner. We're not well grown to be in this relationship.

When we first met, we are **** mates. Always studied together till midnight. Always boost each other not to give up. Shared things up. You are the person that always gave me your shoulder to cry with. I can't find the mistakes where we can put a fight. But we always fight! I know jealousy. I know you can't stand it. And me too! But we always slow the fight, finally we gave up and hug. We cry after the fight. I still remember where to find you if you run away from the fight. I know where you hide. I always know. My instinct towards you I.A.M kept on fire burning. It will never fade away. It shines and glows everyday. I.A.M... I know where my heart for you to keep after all this gone. You just throw away my diary, just to satisfy yourself. You're the cruelest person I've ever love. Everyday is you. I'm sick. I'm sick because I'm stopping my heart to love you. You teared my heart and crushed it heartlessly. Who are you anyway???

When we second met, I thought you are my destiny to keep on walking. You said it's too slow to walk together. But when I started to run... you held my hand. You said not to run too far from you. I nodded and ran. I have to watch my back so that I can see you. To make sure that I can still connected to you. I made a promise that I will never break it. But you broke yours. I still confused. Why you can't kept your promise. You made it, and ruined it. I miss you.

Dear love, I'm a star. When we last met, there is no LOVESTARZ anymore. There is no you. Also there is no me. I know where to end. All the songs that we've created had gone. To stop thinking of you, it takes 3 years to forget. How long it takes, it doesn't matter. But the painful does matter. Now. I can barely say... I hate You. You just a piece of scrap that nobody will ever give attention. You heard me. Everyone hate you. Stop being so nice and innocent in front of people. Is is so irritating.

No perpetuity LOVE,
_ _ _ _ _!

happy sweet 19 qeena

It’s your birthday buddy!
2 years of friendship. Don't you remember, today is 5th Dec. Never thought it would be this tough. My little friend is going to celebrate her birthday with her lovable friends. Let me get this clear. Now we are not in the same college because we're are not in the same course and university. Okay. I'm an engineer, she is a doctor. I don't know what kind of doctor. Maybe surgeon. Her expertise is to deal with dead body. Haha.. suka hati aku je. Tapi gambar kat atas tu, macam tak menunjukkan dia seorang bakal doktor. Sebab dia gila2! Dia tak suka suprise. I think, now.

Ok. today she's 19 year-old. With a perfect manner, everyone going to judge her perfect 'Cambodian' Edward syndrome. That is trisomy 18. this is a serious birth defect. That is why she is so petit and harmless. Nahhh... dia suka Edward Cullen. Itu dulu sekarang tak tahu dia suka siapa. Maybe pelakon India terkenal, Anamalai. Sorry qeena. Hahaha!!! In the opposite sides, I don’t wanna know. A very big fullstop.

1- Qeena is a tough wrestler. She can smack me down from bed to the floor. But I never scare of her. If you can't beat this buddy, mean you will never defeat me. Kidding.. ^_^

2- Qeena who likes adventurous sports. She likes to discover new thing. ok. I take one example, wall climbing. She has been through this sport. Tangan yang kecik ni boleh panjat dinding tuh. Ahhh... siapa je tak percaya. Dia boleh buat apa aja, if she wants to. But then, sekarang aku tak tahu aktiviti lasak yg lain dia dah buat. Besides she lied that she's going to engage for about two times. Tuh aktiviti paling lasak pernah dia buat. Hah! Lawak.

3- pig-headed. Oho.. ini budak. Contoh tanak bagi lah. Tapi aku tahu kau ada habit ni. Kita kawan baik kan. Tetap kawan baik selamanyaaaa.... -___- . ayat ambik hati.

4- hmm... aku tak tahu berapa kali kau dah nangis. Tapi, if kau nangis tu... mean You've had enough of it. Kau takkan nangis depan orang unless memang ade orang tengah lepak ngan kau. Kau pretend kau kuat lagi sekali. Nangis lah kalau kau nak, maybe boleh buat kau relief. Aku tahu bukan senang kau nak nangis. Hah! Tapi kau happy lagi lahhhhh aku happy. Cakap aaa ngan aku siapa yang buat kau nangis, biar aku belasah dia. Aku tahu kau rindu siapa. Susah nak lupa kan orang yang paling kita sayang. Banyak doa untuk dia ok. Aku kan miss drama queen.

5- Yes, you are clever. Aku sangat respect kau bab2 belajar ni. Kau boleh handle buku dengan cekap sekali. Kau dapat tumpukan perhatian kat buku eventhough ade orang kacau kau. Ahhh…!!! Aku cemburukan kau, sangat cemburu. Itu dulu, sekarang… aku tahu macam mana nak dapat apa yang aku nak. Focus. Pentingnya focus dan niat dalam study. Kau kawan yang boleh ajak belajar sama if masing2 dapat bagi advantages. Kenapa kau tanak belajar ngan aku??? Aku bukan kacau kau pun. Nevermind then kedek2.

6- hati kau baik. Kadang2 je boleh jadi kejam. Aku still ingat not 10 yang kau bagi kat aku. Macam mana aku boleh nangis tanpa henti. Aku kalau dah start nangis memang tak boleh berhenti. You are a friend that a friend need a shoulder to cry on. Aku ingat sampai mati. I promise. Aku still akan contact kau, walau kau tanak dah. Haha… heartless tak?

7- Handphone. Orang takkan stop calling and text kau. Aku adalah salah seorang mangsa yang selalu kacau kau. Kan kan?? Sick? Aku just Tanya khabar. Ini adalah kebenaran. Aku nak Tanya kau, sekarang kau pegang tak phone?? Kalau ye, smile Qeena. Aku hebat. Hahaha!! Aku tahu bila time kau nak off phone, bila battery phone habis. Hehe… tapi dulu, setahu aku. Phone kau akan kau tinggalkan kat bilik, then kau merayap mana ntah. Bilik tv kot.

8- aku macam nak genap2kan number ni sampai sepuluh so… a bit merapu kot lepas ni. Aku rasa kau suka life kau bila kau kay seremban. Kau ramai kawan. Kau akan cepat suit ngan orang baru. Itukan hobby kau. Yeke?? Yes, you are friendly. Very very friendly.

9- what else… jokes. Kau suka buat lawak tak?? Pada firasat aku, jarang skali kau buat lawak. Ke kau jenis yang buat lawak pada keadaan tertentu je? Ni persoalan aku. Tapi kau suka gelak yang style nenek takda gigi. Kan? And you think it’s cute. Kalau kau dah ketawa… tangan kau akan automatically bagi respond untuk kawal gelak kau. Yes. Itu dia.

10- ahhh…. Finally sampai jugak sepuluh. Hajat kau yang terakhir. Jadilah kau Dr Nurizzati Shaqina. Selamat berjaya sahabat!

Dah banyak aku membebel. Suka aku lah, blog aku. Hehe… hye qeena! Selamat hari lahir. Semoga panjang umur, murah rezeki dunia akhirat, dan sihat wal’afiat selalu.Amin. God bless you, buddy. Jadilah apa yang kau nak asalkan ia baik. Semoga kau temui apa yang kau cari selama ni. Dan moga ia tak berubah sampai akhir nyawa kau bila kau dah temui apa yg dicari. Cari lah aku kalau kau perlukan aku, I’ll always be there, selalu. You can count on me. (^_^)V

Thursday, 2 December 2010

rejuvenate from tears

You only know when is your heart going to burst. When someone that is so precious telling you that “this should comes to an end” time. All the nerve suddenly become dumb. Knowing that there is no one will stay by your side, act like a fool or you pretend to be dead. Is there any other way to run away from believing what you should not believe? I think you will become tantrum after letting this word attacking your brain. Scream to heal buddy.!!! How melancholy the situation going to be after this. I'm just a single women who tried to explain 'wattahellisgoinon' in broken-hearted women. Yeah, sometimes short-form can make ones go mad. Sorry.

Back to basic. Is there any love exist in the air? For now, no it isn't. Unfortunately, there WAS a long time ago.... where your heart is full of flower, not a bouquet of flower. It can't be describe by word. Only the chosen one can see what we can't see. For some way, the broken-hearted can be approached or cannot be approached... YOU CAN MEND A BROKEN HEART. Make them do belly laugh like Shakira and Beyonce did. Whether she bleak or bliss, our agenda is to make them laugh. Laugh is the best medicine for sorrow. I suppose it is.

This time you think that life is not as beautiful as you have planned. By the time you and your bf are going to break up, those beautiful birds turn out to be an ugly monster who try to eat you up. At the end, only your skull will remain as antiques. Okay, what I said just now not to scare you. It is just a bluff. ^_^

Don't blame yourself or anybody. It is not a mistake, there is no mistake at all. Plus, there is a saying, 'Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift'. That is why we called the present. Just go, live your life as if you know you'll be dead tomorrow. Deal with it. Stand up to face the real world. I always bare in mind “The real warrior never quits, I never quits”.

Why a single women can enjoy her life as she wants? People will give perception that she is lonely. NO, I'm not lonely and I'm happy to tell one. She can be with any friends that she like. Anytime anywhere without thinking that she's taken. Listen. there is no charge on awesomeness and attractiveness . Perhaps you just being YOU. A diode which has a forward-bias and can't except any electrical flow in reverse direction except in one way only, forward. Only YOU can change what you've been up to. Whether up,down, or side. Give yourself the opportunity to feel easy about new life.

People often said that you are what you eat. But when this happen,everything are not going to diet. Your empty heart have to eat. You eat when you are upset . After excessive eating, ensure that you do exercise. If too lazy, go for a walk. Walk until you're tired. Meet new people while you're walking. Yes. You have to. To forget whatsoever haywire your mind. Clean and clear it. Come on! There is a lot of thing you have to experience. Not only love. I woo you not to fall with someone else within 3 weeks. This 3 weeks are the days which you have to try everything that your wild mind never thought of it. Stop the talk. Start to act. Nothing is impossible mark my word.

Monday, 29 November 2010



penulisan kali ini adalah bertujuan untuk membalas surat eletronik dari dayah hanipah. So, aku tulis nama korang nanti bukan ikut alphabet or priority. Its just the hand who type according to my brain actually. Yang dua ekor ni iaitu iela alias ngan nad mustapa sila balas surat dari dayah, PRONTO!

Dayah my sweet eater, Nad my sexayy perut, Iela my beauty rambuts;
kau membuat kuberantakan masa baca surat anda. Aku nangis lah. Haha!! thanks nyah buat akaq melalak atas kamar. Tak pernah2 nyah rasa sedih nak balik ke KMNS. Tapi rindu tuh tetap rindu. Aku rindu bau bilik kita yang busuk, weh wangi lah actually, sebelah tandas, hoho.. tempat aku karok ngan nad mase mandi haha!! kan nad? Btw, tandas tuh menyebabkan ramai yang meninggal dunia pada waktu pagi. Siap talkin dan ditanam bersama2 foam. The craziest room I said. Waktu raya lagi lah... bilik kita jadi markas main mercun. Sampai kena panggil ngan cikgu zaki tapi iela ngan daya tak kena. Agagga... walaupun aku tak pandai main, aku turut bersama2 menjayakan program tersebut bersama 'KALAU MENEBANG' GENG. Ntah mana2 dapat nama. Dayah yang kuat makan burger, kalau tak double tuh dah tak standard lah kan. Baru lah gempak kalau makan double, cukup syarat lah katakan. Aku suka tangkap gambar kau stadi actually, ade copy satu je. Sebab hp sony k770i dah bagi kat bapak aku. Aku terdelete plak aiii.. hahaha.. tapi ni ade lagi aa.. siap style lagi tuh. Nyah, akaq tak dapat cer kat sini style ape nyah, harap maklum. Agagag... nanti tak syiok lah kalau beritahu. Setiap kali gathering makan je, mesti nak ngumpat, kalau tak ngumpat pun kita buat ape hek? Kita makan sampai dayahhh proooottttt.. proooottt.. hahah!!! ok ok. Sorry dayah. Kita ade speciality sendiri when to prooooottt prrroooott... bahaha!! lawak lah.! Nad kau tahu aku ade dalam tandas tuh masa kau buat aksi sendirian dalam toilet, prooott prroooott ingat gua tak dengar kep? Gua saje buat pekak. Haha!! lawak wehh.. iela lak... hehehe... ayat biasa aku dengar dalam bilik, ' oppsss sorry ekh korang iele prooooottt' bahahha!!! kat katil pun jadik ekh iela... mase stadi tanak pulak kan. Tapi korang ape pun best. Main gitar pun semua keluar nak main samaaaa.. nak nyanyi sama.. tapi lepas pukul 3 pagi korang tidur nad still ade teman kan aku. Thanks nad. Kau the rawkess laaa. Kau layan je kan lagu2 bosan dari aku. Sampai dah hafal segala. Ahhh.. same je ngan kau. Weh c-40 aku dah jongang, suara dia dah cam tak semerdu dulu, tapi aku dah tukar dah string dia, mahal lak tuh, jenama sama ngan dia. Takkan tak sedap. Ke aku dah tua dah tak pandai main?? there are lotsa things to sing witya nad. Iela, dayah. Mana korang doe! I was lost dalam uitm tuh. Aku tak tahu ape aku buat kat sana, kenapa aku amek course tuh. Apahal aku macam blur nak mampus. Tapi ape yang penting, korang tahu tak AKU RINDU NAK BELASAH KORANG.!! AHH DEMM.... rindu korang kot. Thanks for the good memories to rewind. Nad, malam2 kau akan datang katil aku if aku tak tidur. I like the way we share, dari katil kau and katil aku.... kau akan tanya aku dah tidur ke belum if not, kau akan datang kat katil aku. Or we talk outside. The best and greatest thing i've experienced in life. Iela, kau suka nangis kan sorang2? Kau ingat aku taktahu ke? Hah!! aku dengar kau nangis tapi tu tak selalu lah, aku akan dengar kau menangis sampai kau habis, tak pun aku datang katil kau, sambil peluk kau, tapi kau tak suka, aku tahu. Tuh sebab aku tend to stay at my bed till you fall asleep. Esok hari nya iela buat macam biasa, iela selalu gembira. Kita suka iela macam tuh. Haha.. iela suka kacau kita kan iela? Main rambut kita... tidur kan kita. Iela... kita rindu iela, rindu dengar iela salah nyanyi semua, rindu tengok iela baca buku bio tebal2. Rindu tengok iela macam mak membebel. Dayah, cinta pertama kau dah jadi cikgu belum? Kitorang ade buat lagu pasal dia right, do you still keep it? I want it. Aku nak video kita semua. Aku rasa time kita spend kat matrik takda lah lama sangat tapi enough to remember someone till we die kan? Nad, kita akan selalu jumpa bila setiap cuti sem. I am waiting for the karoks day. Sneaking out from the house late at night sampai subuh baru balik rumah. Shisha is the best. Pi kat the castle or andalus. It was quite enjoyable. Now aku tunggu kau balik KL kita main gitar sampai muntah. Hahha!!! bring on your gitar too. Pastikan dah tune k babe. I will make sure mine also dah tune. Korang tahu tak, aku tak tahu lah if aku punya results for this first sem macam hampeh, but i've tried my very best to answer all the question. Aku tabahkan hari aku. I was hoping something to make me stand up. Ohh... korang still ingat tak nama2 yang aku bagi kat korang tuh dalam siri kartun DORAEMON. Haha... cepat2. Sape ingat lagi? Sape sunyo? Sape giant? Sape nobita? Siapa sizuka? Haha... dahtu aku takda keje.. habis almari korang aku conteng.. konon tension lah kan. Padahal memang ye pun. Hihihi.... jaybeng tempat nad. Kuantan tempat iela, rompin tempat dayah, aku cheras. Hahha... lagi tuh.. almari nad kat depan pintu tuh, aku conteng habis.. nad redha je. Nad sorry nad layan karenah aku yang pelik lgi cumel. Awww~~... ape lagi ekh? Ohh... main badminton ngan nad, guna racquet qeena. Nad kita exercise nad!! ingat lagi tak? One day tuh kita nampak sulastri naik beskal... kita terus mintak dia kan? Kau ride aku weeeeh...sampai hujung. Pastu patah balik. Nampak kau cikgu zaki, hahah!! sian sulastri. Dia kena marah. Alahai.. suka kita lah nak buat ape. Ohh.. lagi tuh kita main gitar. Kat jalan raya belakang tuh. Kat koop at night.... sometimes. Main futsal... once. Junggle trekking ngan qeena, wawani, alin and wawa. Kita tengok movie sesama. Weh, kau ingat lagi tak? Kalau time kita nak exam je, aku mesti takda dalam bilik, aku memang camtu kat korang kan? Suka bersendiri. Kalau tak kat bilik TV, kat bilik tv ,cafe, takpun kat library. Nad ngan iela suka ikut aku pi library kalau ajak la. Tapi library tuh annoying sangat, kena pakai lawa2. Padahal aku kat library UiTM ni hari sabtu ahad aku pakai slipa jamban kot. Mane ade mase dorang nak check semua. Weird. How we can get along so smoothly. Bila nak jumpa ha nyah? Iela ni jauh sangat!!! weh doktor, kau jadi doktor baik sket ekh. Nak rawat aku nad and dayah nanti senang, kitorang pi kat kau je. Dapat free treatment tak? Heheh.. dayah, kau nak jadi ape? Nad kau nak jadi ape? Iela kau nak jadi ape? Ohh.. lupa, bilik kita ade name kan? House of lesbo. Bahahah!! lawak betul lah. Kat dinding ngan grill kat bilik kita tuh, aku ade conteng kan? Sian korang. Hahha... nad, aku tahu kau ade buat vid hari terakhir kita kat KMNS ngan anis, aku tahu. Bagi aku!!! aku nak. Agaga.. k lah macam banyak je cer ni. Pening aku. Kang korang takda mende nak tulis kang. Byeee...

destini perjuangan bangsa

Anjakan paradigma di Gunung Ledang.

Aku kini mengkagumi bait2 puisi melayu iaitu warisan. Aku sedar akan kejahilan aku sebagai anak melayu yang suka akan keseronokan tanpa memikirkan siapa aku, yang dahulunya nenek moyangku tuntut di atas tanah melayu. Kebebasan dari penjajah. Segala parasit yang berpijak di bumi bertuah ini telah di halau jauh nun di sana. Jangan di toleh ke belakang parasit, kelak kepalamu akan dipenggal oleh nenek moyangku nanti. Segalanya terungkai terbongkar disetiap desiran daun2 yang jatuh di atas kota hutan ini. Gunung Ledang, nama yang tak asing aku dengar, selama aku belajar di melaka. Tak pernah terlintas untuk aku mengetahui sejarah yang tersingkap disebalik nama ini. Setiap perjalanan aku masuk ke hutan ini, setiap pokok yang berdiri teguh akan mula bertanya, siapa gerangan aku untuk memasuki tanah zaman kesultanan melayu ini. Siapa aku untuk melihat khazanah abadi yang tercipta di tanah melayu pusaka nenek moyang aku? Apakah kuasa yang kau ada untuk menerokai apa yang tersirat dan tersurat di sebalik rimbunan akar kayu yang terbungkam di bumi ledang ini? Aku hanya mampu termanggu kerana aku hanya lah manusia biasa yang tak kenal erti budi dan hargai apa itu melayu pada zahirnya dan batinnya.

Aku, arina anak ledang 1017. sedar yang perjuangan aku belum selesai. Destini anak bangsa terletak di tangan aku dan semua bangsa melayu. Apa yang aku perjuangkan ini hanyalah pendidikan bangsa aku semata. Bukan untuk menyerang parasit lain yang meminjam tanah melayu secara membabi buta. Setiap air mata yang jatuh ke bumi ledang akan tetap aku kira. Akan ku tuntut semua titis air mata kaca yang telah berderai di bumi ledang selama aku belajar di sana. Kelak akan ku teriak, aku anak melayu yang dibesarkan di Gunung Ledang bersama rakan2 seperjuangan aku. Akan aku buktikan, tak sia2 nenek moyangku bermandi darah perwira hanya untuk menyelamatkan bangsa sendiri. Bangsa*lah melayu itu jika tak kenal erti perjuangan melayu. Aku bukan anti perkauman, aku hanya anak melayu yang sedar akan hak aku supaya anak melayu generasi yang akan datang takkan mundur dek miskin pengetahuan. Aku takkan biarkan anak2 aku kelak, kencing di atas tanah kubur aku sendiri disebabkan kealpaan aku untuk memberi pendidikan untuk anak2 aku. Aku sedar perjuangan aku belum selesai. Perjalanan aku masih jauh lagi untuk memberi sejumlah tenaga massive untuk bangsa aku sendiri. Kini aku terjaga dari tidur, aku berharap segala janji yang aku bisikkan di benak hati aku akan dilaksanakan dengan tulus. Jangan dibiarkan anak bangsa sendiri diperkotak-katikkan bangsa lain. Pendidikan amat penting supaya diri sendiri tidak mudah ditolak beransur-ansur.

Wahai anak melayu, kita tak punya masa. Belajarlah. Belajarlah. Untuk kesenangan bangsa, bukan untuk kesenangan diri. Kita melayu, punya budi bahasa yang tinggi. Baru kusedar, kita semakin hari semakin ditolak ketepi di atas tanah sendiri. Jika aku punya cita2 untuk memperjuangkan hak aku sebagai anak melayu, kau juga punya hak untuk tuntut segala benda yang telah dirampas dari bangsa kita. Setiap pelajaran yang telah diselongkar aku, takkan aku ketepikan. Madah ini kusimpan jika perlu dan akan aku berikan jika mau. Jangan bersikap optimistik terhadap bangsa sendiri, binasalah kita nanti. Aku hanya penuntut universiti yang tak punya harta tapi cukup lah kesedaran yang aku ada agar rakan2 seperjuangan aku tidak kebelakang. Kami sama2 menuntut. Mencari ilmu abadi. Agar destini anak bangsa aku tetap dipelihara kini.

Aku anak ledang 1017, meminta pengampunan semua. Jika terkasar bahasa, maaf kupinta. Tujuan coretan kali ini, hanyalah untuk membuka mata sendiri dan rakan2. Bukan untuk kepentingan diri supaya diri orang lain terancam dan diganggu-gugat. Aku ingin membuat satu konklusi di sini, rakan2ku, bangsa melayu kian mundur dengan pendidikan. Dengan pendidikan lah melayu akan kembali ke posisi sebenar untuk mengorak langkah dan mengembalikan zaman kegemilangan melayu. Jangan diturutkan hati dengan sejarah lama, pulihkan segera sejarah hitam agar tak bisa ia selubungi hati setiap anak melayu yang mengatakan melayu itu lemah. Berikan lah diri sendiri satu tamparan, kerana melayu pada satu masa dahulu adalah yang terhebat di pelusuk dunia. Gembiralah kita jika pendidikan bangsa melayu kembali teguh. Melayu takkan hilang di dunia, itu kata aku.

Sunday, 31 October 2010

nothing less , nothing more

time to spend: plus minus quality 5months

target: gunung ledang for 5 days starting from 19th of nov

by the way, demam tak kebah. is it fine?

kene makan ubat ke pergi treatment?

i think i am strong through out this last two weeks.

seems kene depend on that machine.

he can save my life.

and im tired, but i don't wanna sleep.

im afraid that i will close my eyes for a long long time.

it is possible.

im counting my days here.

but im glad that, every day, i will meet a new person,
that i can befriend with.

Ya Allah, panjangkan Umurku.

child voice, emma.

Arina dan Mata Bersinar

Nama, Maizatul Akmal Bt. Md Zain. Never thought kita boleh berkawan and I never think that we are going to be friend. Bithday 23rd of august 1990. same age as me. Kelantanese from kota bharu. Sebenarnya dia ni kawan bilik kepada rakan kelas aku, Nurul Aqilah Mahadi.Emma is her nick. Sebelum ni aku hanya jumpa dia dalam kelas Circuit analysis. She is quiet yet random. Yang aku tahu dalam kelas ni dia berkawan dengan sorang budak, iaitu bekas KMNS jugak. Nama kawan rapat emma ni, Pika Sulan. She is intovert and silent. I never heard any sound that comes out from her mouth. Aku rasa tercabar bila kawan aku tak banyak cakap dan sangat tak energetic. So, I was thinking that, I wanna be her friend. Eventhough, time kita mula kawan tuh dah nak final, it is okay, cause there is two weeks left to know her well. I can judge people.

the first day that I came into qie's room. She was so.... hmmm what to say... diam dan tak banyak cakap, it seems that dia nak avoid everybody. In fact, mase nak cakap dengan dia, mulut pun malas nak bukak. I tried to understand the way she communicate. I never regret in everything that I did. Aku teruskan ape yang aku buat. I keep on talking to her. Sepatah aku tanya sepatah dia jawab. This is not the way she treat me. Mase kat fakulti, we were on the same lift, and I asked her, do I know you, and she said NO. okay, we were on the same floor and in the same lecture room. NOW I KNOW THAT we are classmate. What a dumbass. I giggled.

I kept on asking qie about emma. To me, she is something to be treasured. Idk.this is the thing that I felt. The feeling that I felt at 4 am 31st oct. dah 2 minggu rasanya aku kenal dia. Macam2 perkara jadi. It is not bad nor good. It's simple. Happy. Aku tak paksa diri aku untuk berkawan dengan emma, tapi the way she attract me to know her better is the main point here. I never listen, I just watch and watch. I do believe in karma. If we were meant to be friend, I know God's job is to full-filled it.

I never thought that I will easily share part of my stories to her, as if we know each other very well. Comfortable,can I use this word? Sometimes I felt welcome. Eager to meet her at the first place. Masa dia on the phone, I actually tak berniat pun nak dengar, tapi dia cakap loghat kelantan, mana aku paham! Conclusion, kena makan budu. Hehe.. gurau.

She is taller than I am. I laughed. Her life... in front of her laptop, her room, boyfriend and scandal/s, DC, eat and sleep. Frankly, dia pandai. Cumaaaaaa, dia MALAS. Dia suka belajar masa tak ramai orang, or orang tengah tidur. She was easily distracted with it, I mean people. Her favourite color is red, banyak barang2 dia warna merah. And the pic that I uploaded also, red baju kurung, you see?

To be frankly twice, dia friendly. Full-hearted, enjoyable, great listener, miss know-secret,nice eyes, cool to be part of her friend, and banyak missed communication, miss understanding. Aku suka kawan dengan dia, and I hope the same respond suppose to be. Emma, im glad to know you at the first place, hehe...

final decision is where the final destination is.

Dear Heart,

I hope you are fine inside me. Its been a week you were unhealthy, maybe because of reckless diet that I have been doing lately. Or is it because of your exercise schedule that are too challenging for you to beat? I, I mean your owner is concern about you. Please tell me what you need. Because your beat, I mean our heartbeat is too fast... it happens when ;

1- one morning walk,down the street when I bumped into a guy who was totally hot and gorgeous pig, all of sudden my breath become so heavy as if I could die in a second. and YOU! Why are you so dumb ass... are you trying to kill me? When the guy passed us by... I was smacking my chest for several times to make you realized how fast did you beat.! Ohhh my god. This is so annoying. I don't know what is happening to you inside me. I have to remind you that we are sharing the lifetime. You heard me heart.!

2- one nice lunch, near to my office block... I don't know that the hot guy, should we put a name for this cutie pie? Okay I will call him Eric. This Eric guy was walking towards us. How many times do I have to advice you PLEASE BEAT AS USUAL, LIKE A NORMAL HEART. I was like a noob, tried to cover my shaky little heart so that he would not embarrassed me in front of Eric. I was so nervous when he approached me. DUB DAB DUB DAB... what is happening to you heart? Are you jealous because of Eric? Are you gay? He sat in front of me. We talked to each other about the 'bump' day. I choked my food because I was too excited with the unexpected gift from god.. wait up did I mention his real name. This is totally out of my mind, our mind... and his mind too maybe. I was laughing to death because his name is ERIC. For god sake. What a coincidence.

3- one late night after the Juliet Simms concert, to my Lamborghini kelisa car... I felt so uneasy. Is it because of the shouting or mossing? I hope not. We are doing fine here. But you heart... why are you giving me such a hard time? I was confused with you. There are crowd here and everywhere. All I can think is Eric. My silver lining dream. Hey.. In the crowd, I saw someone walked near me. The way he walked, I just noticed that it is Eric guy. He is so natural. So unpredictable. So mesmerizing. I can't barely moved, my legs got locked up. He smiled. My heart thumped.

I am trapped between my feeling and ego. My leg started to walk towards Eric. If this is Love, why it should be this way? I'm not expert in this kind of situation, I knew god knows that I can't handle this alone. Please give me strength. Love is life. All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I Love. This should be okay. I kept this in my head;

when we think of the one that we loved;

like a bolt from the blue...

all thing got messed up

and to settle it back

to find the missing puzzle,

all we have to do

is to love and to be loved.

I have to make an end. So that I wouldn't be confused with this feeling. And fighting with my own ego. When Eric started to talk, I stood in front of him. My ear, listen. My mouth, shut. All I can see was his face,calm.



Friday, 3 September 2010

don't ever let claustrophobia in

i think you are extremely beautiful, and strong to have to put up with the amount of shit you receive from the stupid anons. don't ever let them try and bring you down, they're trying to make you stoop to their level, and most are extremely jealous of you. your eyes are absolutely gorgeous, you have hair people would kill to have, and the way you carry yourself is something to be admired. if anyone ever insults you, you put up the 'I STILL DON'T GIVE A F' and i admire that you don't let these people bug you or bring down your confidence. if anything they are sitting on their fat asses creeping you wishing with all their heart that they could look even half as pretty as you are.

you seem like an amazing person and i admire your strength and beauty.

just thought i would let you know!
have you ever wondered what your life would be like if you had not met that one person?

sincerely, it would be "awesome"

Sometimes,no matter how much you want things to happen, all you can do is wait….


To whom it may concern,

your wish had granted . Now , you can escape from the people that you wanted to stay away . I think you've satisfied with this kind of living . You are now thousand miles away from me . You can't turn back . I wear this mask for 4 years from now , to hide all the sadness . So that you'll know that I am fine and great to stand on my own . So masochistic . I found my strength to carry on . I'm surrounded by the people who loved to be with me and accept who I am . Unlike you , I think . You deserve better than this , you are one in a million that people want to be with . Everything that comes out from you , pulls me through . When you walked away , such pain as this shouldn't have to be experienced by me . But , the way the pain slipped into my body , its linger around me , makes me think how many times I felt this . Now , my door won't fit you through . What could I give you now . I'm still the same tale . We are burning each other though we are dying for more . Just put your dagger now . I'm already dead . I'm a dead corpse who live her imperfect . I think the consequences of this , both of us , the people , the loved ones aren't satisfied with this distance . I'll be missing you , will you miss me too ? . my stomach feel sick , bitter and open reveries of helplessness .

I'm not pretending that we are okay. Because you keep all the secret that have been kept years ago . Now , tell me what I did wrong ? I just cant play with all the feeling that I felt for you . It will gives me a hard time . I'm choking because I'm hardly swallowed the word . I cried , I swept away every tears that I've cried and I swear this was your choice . Please save me from falling with the sound of your voice . I'll will miss your every moment . I'll miss your perfect beautiful selfishness . I'm a hopeless romantic . I'm in love with you and you just don't get it ? So, I sit here... finding a way to solve my mild depression . I can sort it out myself . I can trigger myself . After all... I'm a “great” in pretending . Surrounded but still lonely . I swear . This can't change everything until the end of time . I'm desperate for change . This won't help me neither . My life becomes tantrum . Because I'm (sad)glad you went away . I never told you …that

  1. I love to sing a song for you with my old hug-able guitar,

  2. I love to hang around with you and play for one whole day

  3. I love when you scream shout swearing at me

  4. I run to you when I'm down

  5. I let you know everything that happen everyday

  6. I love to talk to you

  7. I love the way we laugh

  8. I hate the way you cry

  9. I wanna share everything to you

  10. I love it when you smack me out from the bed

  11. I love when __________________ .

  12. I love when we have a chit chat outside of the room

  13. I hate that I miss you million times

  14. I love to sing along with you

  15. I love it when you spoon feed me

  16. I love to watch you sleep.

  17. I like the way you look at me

  18. I like it when we talk and suddenly you laugh

  19. I like to piggy back you

  20. I like everything about you

I'm not desperate to make you come back to me , I'm just wanna tell you , this what I've been through . Because I'm so numb in everything . Perhaps , this is the last time we met . Because we will never meet again . If God love us , He will make us see each other . This is the end of happiness . Temporary happiness that might let me down , because I give such a high hope for a hopeless thing . I'm just glad that I'm dead , everywhere I go . The figure of you won't chase me anymore . I will haunt you . I'll be there wherever you go . I will protect you , so will be safe under my spirit . The sadness will easily fade away when you started to cry , I've already wipe your tears with my bear hand . I will wipe it softly . I will make you happy . I will make you gay . Don't be sad , because I hate to see all this from you . It made me hurt .

Sunday, 29 August 2010

you made me love babies.

my 5months old nephew.

new start.

i think when the sun stop shining. the last person that i want to be with is mr bean. ahaha. he will make me laugh my ass off. until there is no tears falling down from my eyes. he will not getting me down on my knee unless like ‘somebody’. pfft

– arina ahmad =)



The house is completely finished. But I think my parents will buy something to furnish the hall. Let them do all the house work. My siblings are sooooooo mothereffing lazy lion. I did it. I do all the shifting and lifting the stuff inside the house. It was so tiring. But I knew I had loss a kilo of fats in my arse. And now… I just got injuries all over my body. My skin are so painful as if it is burned.

“sometimes I wish I could fix you, take away all of your pain and all of your pain and all of your hate and ignorance; and just give you blue skies in a pill bottle and tell you that is is okay to overdose. Would you be happy then?”


I am not sighing because of the HARDWORK that I’ve done. There is no appreciation there. no. no. I dont need any of it. In my mind… I think of a spa. Yeah. To rejuvenate myself again. Actually im tired.

“ I dare you to rip your heart out everyday and pretend that you dont feel a thing. I dare you to rip your heart out and let it bleed until it is dry and then I dare you to make it beat one more time”


I am weak. I am strong. I am fragile.
Ignorance Is Bliss.
I need hugs.
I need excitement.
I need you love.
Let me breath in you.
For a moment I can tell I got you.
I love you.
You have put a spell over me.
Why do I fell in love with you.
Can you just leave me without hurting me in too deep.

I smile for you. I laugh for you. You are my marijuana that I would addicted with.

Can I see your face?

i’m going to crawl into a hole and die.

if i die tonight! i would smile and fly away from everything and EVERYONE.

p/s: kenapa signals and systems susah sangat nak paham!!!!
never told your problems to anyone;

20% dont care
and the other 80% are glad you have them.

Saturday, 29 May 2010

say No to stress

Angah's wedding.

20th of june. Approximately a month from now onwards. I think my life will be busy as you can see the wedding planner in the tv box. The house is still on renovation. Still cant get my private life to be more 'wow'. no. I feel so mothereffing bored. Now... I have to stay home because the guy from electrical company, idk what the fuck it is... but is should get the electric flow by now. Dont know what to do. I have no license, and my papa bubu adviced me to be patient. For how long??? I cant wait with all this. I can live without money, friends, family and enjoyment.

My baju kurung, 3 set all of 'em. Idk what to wear because too many choice. But still the baju kurung are not completely finish. Hehe. =)

I should make my tumblr in private. Or should I open a private diary on the internet. I am so lazy dumbass to write what's happening in my life. It is not because I dont wanna tell or what but... I just dont know.

There is a quote I can share with myself... 'memang tak dapat lah kalau malas' on other words.. you will not get anything if you are lazy. Im writing is getting lame old and boring.

Btw... my house is soooooooooooo mothereffing hot. With the natural breeze that come inside the house should relief the hot-a-meter of my body. Soon fucker. Byebye phat ass.

bapak kaya

No where to go~...

1. sob sob sob...
2. crying...
3. tisk tiskk iskkk
4. uwaaaa~~

lost? No direction? Compass needle is broken? Need some clue? Advisor?
Everything is under control. You just need some calmness to fix your heart out. ok. Just now angah treat me papparich. Kinda cool that place was. But something came up. That waiter guy was so freak one. Hahaha.. I don't mean to give him a nickname but I did. His name is pappadom. Agaga...

pappadom is the waiter and I am the customer. AKU BUKAN PELANGGAN TETAP DIA!!
ok. the main point here. I came there to enjoy MY supper. To drink some milo dinosour. With the present of my siblings; angah,hani and aiman. Everything was under control AGAIN. Hakhak.

That pappadom guy bring me the meal that I've ordered. Kuey tiaw something idk the exact name.. all I got is melantak appetite. The supper was superb. The kuey tiaw got some prawn and chicken flesh. I just can't imagine the soup is sooooooooooo delicious. Slurppp~

back to the story. When papadom served me `my delicacy`. He was sort of like asking me that; why i've not coming to enjoy the food at papparich for a month. But as for my concern... it is my first time to eat at the resto. And keep asking the same question about three times. And for your information... my blur syndrome have been attacking me since he kept asking me the same freak question. And I kept nodding. Cuz I dont what the hell he was talking about. Funny situation is it? Try to be in my shoes.

In the middle of enjoying the pleasure of the esplanade. papadom came to our table and asked angah. Is it hani, her daughter or sister. Angah answered his question ' oh ni anak saya'.. I was mothereff laughing. Then he kept asking the same question. Angah tried to convince him that hani is her daughter. Wakaka~ so funny. The thing is; angah is so petite and innocent, so papadom wasnt satisfy with the answer given.

Oh not to forget. The combodian worker. So handsome. Hakhak. But I think I tried to approach him as for example.. okey. It was not an example.. it really really happened. Huhuk. I was asking for a new tissue box because the tissue inside the box has finished. I was really confused what to call him so I 'eh eh... tissue'. Thank god the cambodian knew my body language. Agaga.. and after the combodian left us to get a new one, I was thinking that the man was so attractive. Am I not interested in malay gentlemen? It is not okay. This is teenage mind her own ' mental illness' business. I should avoid this kind of activity. In fact yeah he issssss gorgeous. I should change my appetite.

Right now my brain is blunt to tell a story. I should stop here because the environment is noisy and no tranquility.

Tuesday, 11 May 2010

as the matter of my life

But HE loves you more than I am

setiap orang akan merasa mati.dah hilang teman baru terkial-kial nak cari. Baru terasa kehilangan dia. Apakah? Don't blame other people bila semua ni dah berlaku. Blame diri sendiri sebab tak pandai jaga hubungan dengan manusia. Yeah, of course. Jap... post kali ni kaitan dengan manusia. So nak relate dengan keagamaan takut salah tafsir. So tak berani nak beri apa-apa santapan nurani kat sini. But I would like to give some quote, something for us to remember;

“kematian adalah nasihat terbaik dan guru kehidupan,
sedikit saja kita lengah dari memikirkan kematian,
maka kita akan kehilangan guru terbaik dalam kehidupan.”

orang islam wajib mengambil berat antara satu sama lain
Dari Huzaifah bin Al-Yamman r.a , katanya : Rasulullah s.a.w bersabda : “ Sesiapa yang tidak mahu mengambil berat akan urusan orang-orang islam , maka dia tidak termasuk dari kalangan mereka , dan sesiapa yang tidak suka menasihat / menegur untuk kerana Allah atau rasulnya atau kitabnya ( mengenai ketaatan kepada Allah dan rasulnya serta panduan al-Quran ) , atau kepada ketua-ketua ( pemimpin-pemimpin islam ) , dan untuk sekalian orang islam , maka dia tidak termasuk dari kalangan mereka”( orang islam )
At Tabrani
ok I just did it. Picisan saje. Hadith sahih yep. Agaga... aikh...
kehilangan sangat menyakitkan lagi relatives or family members. I shall not remember this. It hurts me. It takes time to heal the wound. Muka je nampak ganas tapi hati ade taman. Hehe.. ADNAN SEMPIT punya tagline. Dah 2 minggu setengah kat rumah. Macam-macam berlaku. But everything that comes out semua FAMILY. Lebih baik aku habiskan masa aku dengan family before aku continue studies. But then .. I have many plan soon... with my close friends and classmates masa sekolah teknik dulu. Dah 2 tahun lebih tak jumpa. Nak pi kayak kat D R FOREST CAMP, chinchin,melaka. And my STLES geng masa f4 before I went for boarding school,we plan nak pi port dickson for one day. Ni pun dah lama tak hang out. Aku jelah. Dorang dah many time kot. Aku tahu bila aku pergi. so... nak make my time worth it. Hahaha. =)

hopefully jadi kenyataaaaannnn!!! amin

Saturday, 8 May 2010

lawak cikgu nik

Pada suatu hari yg tenang..seorg suami sedang relaxs sambil duduk membaca suratkhabar. ....tiba2 dtg si isteri membawa tudung periuk....PANG! !....diketuknya atas kepala si suami.....si suami yg
terpinga2... ..bertanya. ....

"Aper hal ngan awak nih....kenapa awak ketuk kepala saya??....si isteri pun menjawap.... "nah! awak tengok nih....sambil menunjukkan secebis kertas yg tertulis nama....'Mary' ....si isteri tentula menyangka si suami mempunyai kekasih lain yg bernama Mary....dgn tenang si suami menjawab.... ooo....itu nama kuda yg saya bertaruh semalam..... namanya Mary.....si isteri pun agak puashati ngan penjelasan suaminya..terus menyambung kerja di dapur.....

Selang seminggu berlaku ketika si suami sedang rehat2 membaca suratkhabar seperti selalu.... PANG!!!....kali ini dengan lebih kuat lagi!....si suami pun bertanya.... aper hal plak awak ketuk kepala saya kali nih???...dengan selamba..si isteri menjawap.... "kuda awak telefon!!".. ...

Tuesday, 27 April 2010

i miss them.
all the fun we had together.
the guitar time.
btw.. this is irfan. my nephew


77 jalan makmur 2

this is my address where it isn't completely finished. Apparently this house was under-construction and it is quite noisy here. I have bad feeling about having insomnia because of my eldest sister, Hani. She is disrupting my sleeping hours now. From 7 hours it turns to 5 hours. Those 5 hours sleep rate are not a constant sleep. Every half hours, I'll woke up and felt that a leg on my head or snored. It getting on my nerves. And my nerves are going to split into two without her prior knowledge. We will see about that sistah!

What would you do if u see many dust on your keyboard? Now im having a hard time because my house now full of dust. My lungs is not healthy as it is. Please finished my home ASAP. I need all the privacy that I dream of. Back to the story...

the house is 50 percent to be completed. Wiring to be done here. And the gate is going to be repaired sooner or later. My family and I will be happy. And lastly the Along's family going to be here after the house has finish the renovation. Irfan.. wait for us OK. I'll going to meet you. Grow up. Start crawling adik.

There are 5-7 Indonesian workers who involved in this renovation. Haha the most hilarious moment was.. “adik, huchan dhi luar... angkat bachu”. Im smiling when he said that to me.

Now, we have two home in this site. I guess. By the way, I miss my old guitar where I can play it freely without distraction from anyone. I do love to play him. I do wanna people to listen to what I strummed. But all this not going to happen in my home sweet home. NEVER. Consequently... I have to wait this moment about two months and a half. I have to sacrifice everything. Including my time to hang out with my friend. I'm a miserable teenagers who feels that life is so tough. But I've all grown up. I have said this magic words about three thousand times a day. Why? Why this always happen to me when my friend/s wanna hang out with me, there are alwaysssss NOT-GOING so called answer.

I tried to make my activities alive. I over-slept. I counted the dot on my skins. I looked around the house. I scratched my face. My pimples that annoy me, I watched tv. I made mistakes... yeah. I ate pills. Seldom. People/human/homo-sapient are not puuurrr-fect. I made ppl mad about me. I am obnoxious. Agree? I think I am that OB.

I thought this life is so so so so wonderful to live. Maybe my writing just to make me feel relax. To shout everything inside. To exothermic anything that is so hot inside. To purify the things that are muddy inside. To fasten anything that slows me up. To recover back whats hurting me inside. To make me look cool instead craziness that I always did. To melody my heart that are so lonely without chords. To make me feel better... the only thing I knew is to eat my heart out. UNTIL “OMG! I LOOKED FAT, TUMMY THERE TUMMY HERE, IMBALANCED EMOTIONAL ENCOUNTERED, UNCONTROLABLE EATING HEAVY FOOD LATE AT NIGHT.” called my friend, wrote at the status, sleeper. haha... im done.

U could've respect me because IM FAT. When im walking, I felt ppl looking at me and said “ekh ekh.. tengok tu, gemuknya budak tu, dah la jalan macam berudu, pastu dia kena buat makeover. Ekh.. kenapa dia makan sambil jalan. Eee.. tak sopannya. You, tengok tu you, budak ni macam parasite”. Haha..saje je nak make things worst than usual. Kita kita!.

Self-conscious ada. PIKIR LA SENDIRI. I ada otak. So suka I la nak cakap apa. Ni blog I. So? Ada masalah.? Leave me alone if you feel that im not compatible with your style. I am what I am. Sure enough you know yourself much better than I am. Just tell me, im talkative... I will try to listen and shut my mouth. Good. So now u know who is your daddy. Believe me. I will regret what I wrote. Haha.. semua ni just nak luahkan jep. Sebab... its been KACAU PEMIKIRAN AKU SAMPAI AKU NAIK GILA,AKU DOWN,TAK HAPPY,HIDUP ENTAH APE2 and much more. BILA RUMAH AKU NAK SIAP! KURANGKAN NYANYI BOLEH TAK ABG INDON. Tak kesian ke kat aku... aku penat la nak dengar semua bunyi2 ni.

p/s: im cold. Hot choc ada? Kawan ke kita ni? A text a day or a phone call a sec. The motive are... to make myself clear that we are not lost in contact and far far away from never land. Im dying. So im sorry. Scar healed. If u feel that I am disturbing yours... tell me. Sure it hurts but don't lie.