endeavour

Grown and Sexy

For about a week I haven't post anything stupid about myself. Frankly, I do love to do it. It makes me feel great about myself. My last post was about my self-assured and my biggest regret of life. Maybe out there,there are many people who had been through more complicated life than me. Each person in this world have their own faith and path. I have mine though. Many of my friend gave advises which built my self-confidence. Thanks buddy. Not to forget my beloved family for being with me when my life was ruin in a sec. Unfortunately, there are some anon (which is,i believe as not-so-close friend) tried to exploit my hope. Then again, here is Arina. Being so straight and miss doesn't-know-anything. Love to help her friends until she is way too far behind. I still have my own faith, Astaghfirullah. After the result is released, me.... Arina!!! OMG. I really can't believe what I saw back then. Disappointment, yeah! A very very veryyyyyyy baaaaadddd result. I felt that I am the most bad daughter in the whole world. Not only bad but also a killer. I have killed my parents hope. They always give high expectation. I am the one who took away those hopes. I'm sorry,i didn't mean to.

Allah still loves me. I do regret some of my wrong doing when I was in semester one. He really shows, me that sometimes when we forget about Him, He will shows us something beyond our imaginary. I really get down on my knees. My heart burst. For one whole day, I didn't felt that I'm touching the dirt. I deeply felt that I'm weak. I walked slowly reminded myself not to do something 'tact'. I really don't know what to do. Sure enough. I've lost my way because I got plans to be fulfilled. Can you feel what I feel? If yes, give me advice. If not, don't try to change what you've plan.

Everything in this world is not free. All the thing that we had, are borrow. When the time comes, we should give the thing that we've borrowed. You should believe me, believe what is karma. Dogma also. Hehe... I put a lot of effort to find my way out or to solve my studies problem. Allah will give me another chance to live. Suicidal is the crime that i did for myself. Tentatively, without a knife, I put myself to an end. Shamefully shameful to live because my besties, dahlia, aisyah, pooi sze, eti, and also tiwah. They are much better than me. I do felt far away from them in education. They are so great in everything, meanwhile me? Regardless of this, I put myself below where I can hide myself. Oh my... I got some severe illness.. self-confidence. Please... I really want to continue my degree. I know if I cry, it doesn't change a bit.

Please pray for my success. I really need it. I keep on promising. To my good friend, where are you when I need you? Are happy with what you have ? I really miss you. Can we meet each other someday? If you promise me, I'll wait because you know that I'll always be with you eventhough you are in Borneo. =)