Tuesday, 28 December 2010

jap jap jap...

macam pelik kan orang suka baca something yang simple and short.
any idea why?

to I.A.M .... again

You make yourself look disgusting women!

To you who I know for two years, it such a shame that you acting like a running nose kind of children. Shame on you! I should put myself way up high so that I won't see you anymore. To you who I always adore, you make me vomit when I think of you. From now on, you are an annoying anon that likes to make fake stories. So that everybody will pity for you. I could care-less about you who always think that you are 24/7 right. Beyond my wild imagination, you are a piece of thrash.

This is my weakness. Always made easy way for people to ask for apology. I'm the one who accept you to be a part of my story. I shall regret by now. What should I do to this kind of person like you? Can I tell everybody in this world that you are A S**t​? god won't forgive me to this kind of blackmailing. Hehe...by the way, you can teach me how to hack people's facebook or YM!?

Shame on me because I had cried for you. Wasting my tears so that I'll looked more stupid in front of you! Wait a minute... is this kind of slander? I hope not because this women is way too much to be discovered. Am I bad? I think not because as far as I concern she is the one who ruin my life since I'm in form 5. yes,she did. And I'm the one who trapped in her fake lies that turn out to be I totally believed.

You with your biggest jealousy should fade away from my life and my best friend's life. You are more like a devil to both of us. Your mom shouldn't know who you are at the first place because she might get a heart attack to see you like this. Shame on you! How could you do this to us! Oh, maybe you wanna get more attention and you think it is not enough to be in the center of attention. I don't know what is your purposes. But we said, enough is enough.

So, our life continue as beautiful like we wish for without you. We remind ourself not to think about the past. It would bring heartache when we think about it. Go away! Go far away! We don't want to interfere. We don't want to see your face. Because your smile is fake. Please go away...

As time pass us by, you come into my life like nothing had happened. Aren't you ashamed of yourself because being so cheap? By making such a lies, you are going to repeat what you've done before. You should aware of what you are talking about. I'm not going to be foolish again. Your presence is remarkably annoying. I pretend to be as normal as I know that everybody had their own imperfection. Let me see... you are doing great with your sympathy to be sold cheaply. You are selling your own dignity, to a human called men. You have such a lowlife. I don't think you might be save by doing it.

We, the people who love you. Tried to change you, but you become from something to nothing. We are so shock with your changes. All of sudden, you become an anon to us. We don't know you anymore women! We don't know who are you! I dare to tell you, when you are mature enough don't try to ask us for apology because your sin is not for us to forgive but to god whom you've sin. My time are lesser than you think. I know that I might not live forever, I repent. I hope you do. Innamal aqmallu. Astaghfirullahal'azim.


Grown and Sexy

For about a week I haven't post anything stupid about myself. Frankly, I do love to do it. It makes me feel great about myself. My last post was about my self-assured and my biggest regret of life. Maybe out there,there are many people who had been through more complicated life than me. Each person in this world have their own faith and path. I have mine though. Many of my friend gave advises which built my self-confidence. Thanks buddy. Not to forget my beloved family for being with me when my life was ruin in a sec. Unfortunately, there are some anon (which is,i believe as not-so-close friend) tried to exploit my hope. Then again, here is Arina. Being so straight and miss doesn't-know-anything. Love to help her friends until she is way too far behind. I still have my own faith, Astaghfirullah. After the result is released, me.... Arina!!! OMG. I really can't believe what I saw back then. Disappointment, yeah! A very very veryyyyyyy baaaaadddd result. I felt that I am the most bad daughter in the whole world. Not only bad but also a killer. I have killed my parents hope. They always give high expectation. I am the one who took away those hopes. I'm sorry,i didn't mean to.

Allah still loves me. I do regret some of my wrong doing when I was in semester one. He really shows, me that sometimes when we forget about Him, He will shows us something beyond our imaginary. I really get down on my knees. My heart burst. For one whole day, I didn't felt that I'm touching the dirt. I deeply felt that I'm weak. I walked slowly reminded myself not to do something 'tact'. I really don't know what to do. Sure enough. I've lost my way because I got plans to be fulfilled. Can you feel what I feel? If yes, give me advice. If not, don't try to change what you've plan.

Everything in this world is not free. All the thing that we had, are borrow. When the time comes, we should give the thing that we've borrowed. You should believe me, believe what is karma. Dogma also. Hehe... I put a lot of effort to find my way out or to solve my studies problem. Allah will give me another chance to live. Suicidal is the crime that i did for myself. Tentatively, without a knife, I put myself to an end. Shamefully shameful to live because my besties, dahlia, aisyah, pooi sze, eti, and also tiwah. They are much better than me. I do felt far away from them in education. They are so great in everything, meanwhile me? Regardless of this, I put myself below where I can hide myself. Oh my... I got some severe illness.. self-confidence. Please... I really want to continue my degree. I know if I cry, it doesn't change a bit.

Please pray for my success. I really need it. I keep on promising. To my good friend, where are you when I need you? Are happy with what you have ? I really miss you. Can we meet each other someday? If you promise me, I'll wait because you know that I'll always be with you eventhough you are in Borneo. =)

Monday, 20 December 2010

bila semua kita rancang...

salam santiago and maria...

post kali ni tulis ikut hati dan perasaan.
sebab memang dah takda mood dah. hati tawar.
so.. bila kita sentiasa rasa kita kat atas...
walaupun stadi tahap gaban.. tak semestinya kita rasa kita ni secure sangat
ingat boleh berjaya sampai dapat segulung ijazah.
now benda ni kena tempias kat muka aku. and aku sangat berduka cita
Allah maha adil... kalau Dia cakap nak, ok teruskan.
kalau cakap tak, so you've to stop.
segala penat lelah sem 1, aku dok bagai nak ghak pikir stadi...
now aku terpelanting kat belakang balik.
aku kena terima kenyataan kejuruteraan bukan milik aku..
now aku dah padamkan semangat.. aku nyalakan yg baru...
aku tahu ade peluang untuk aku tunjuk kat keluarga aku dan rakan2 yang
aku boleh buat.
aku bukan nya berseronok sangat pun kat uitm. tapi.. aku taktahu laaa..

Tuesday, 7 December 2010

the self-damnation



aku still kat kolej sebab petang angah ajak balik rumah untuk buka puasa. I thought angah dah start cuti and aku tak kemas barang apa-apa lagi, even worst tak plan pun nak balik segala jadah ni. But angah texted me and she said that, nak balik rumah jumpa irfan. Unfortunately, irfan dah balik pahang nak jumpa atuk dia yang lain. It's okay. He will grows up fine. Everybody loves Izz Irfan. Angah ambil aku around 2 pm lepas zohor. This time angah drive. Abang nizam jadi co-pilot.

Nak dijadikan cerita, sebenarnya aku and neddy momor memang dah lama gila plan nak jumpa. Just nak jadikan ia realiti, kena ada penyokong. aku ngan sabrina have decided nak sewa kereta area shah alam ni. So, pagi tuh... aku dah text emel mintak no kereta sewa. Sabrina pulak search kat internet. Last2, ambil jugak kereta myvi auto ni walaupun mahal. So kitorang akaaaaaaaaan terbang di atas kertas not 100 ringgit. Sewa kereta tuh rm100/day. Takpa sebab worth it. Aku balik kolej awal lepas berbuka puasa kat rumah. Around 10pm dah sampai shah alam.

Aku berlari naik tangga, malas nak guna lift sebab tingkat satu je pun. Cari dia kat bilik aya... tarak. Pika cakap cari kat bilik sabrina. Aku lari lagi... ok. I found you. Ohh.. dengan aya rupanya. Tengah kemas beg. Then, sabrina cakap dia dah sewa kereta tuh and pukul 10.30 pm dah boleh ambil kereta tuh. Masa tunggu tuh, aku main gitar and ade zara!! dia tengah lepak dalam bilik aya. I didnt expect dia ada dalam bilik, aku akan malu nak main gitar depan dorang if tak pernah lepak segala.

Now, 10.30 pm. Kitorang tunggu kereta myvi tuh depan gate mawar. Then dalam 10 min tunggu tuh... ade 2 buah kereta datang dari gate besar. Hohohhh... itu lah dia kereta (sewa) kami. Myvi oren2 merah2 sikit. CBX 1967. I still remember this baby. Then ape lagi kitorang rembat lah kereta nih. Pasang lagu kuat2, air- cond max, and drive dangerously. (tipu je) haha!!! sabrina drive that car... pi KFC. Pi 7-eleven. Beli barang2 yang sepatutnya...

The plan after got that car;


1- cari bus station untuk pika zara and pija kat seksyen 17.
2- pi putrajaya rumah wawani sebab nak tahu precint 10 kat mana.
3- pi klcc sebab nak cari mana the ship
4- driving lesson.
5- downtown morning walk
6-sleepless night
7- lab class
8-pi lanai photograph session
8- pi gathering kawan2 untuk berbuka puasa
9-karok till pecah tekak
10- hantar azwa and kira balik rumah
11-bersahur kat rumah wani, aku masak sardin!
12-tidur till 2pm
13-basuh kereta
14-hantar aya balik rumah
15-buka puasa kat wangsa walk
16-jalan2 sampai pukul 10.10pm
17-hantar CBX 1967 pada tuan yang asal =(

best tak plan dia. Overall sleep time aku adalah 8jam untuk 3hari ni. Tak tidur pun takpa lah. Spend time ngan kawan2 bila lagi! Tunggu dah takda baru sedih2. Kat atas ni plan yang dah berlaku. Saje je tambah2 nak bagi nampak gempak. Tapi memang gempak pun. Haha!! gelak je. Bergembira! And lotsa pix! By the way sabrina... aku ade 7 bulan je nak bergembira ngan kau kan? So lepas ni kita pi wall climbing and go-kart okay?

Enough with the plan stuff. Now it is time to full-filled it! Hehe... malam tuh kitorang round2 satu shah alam, sebab nak cari bus station untuk member. So, semua ceruk dah pergi dah. Expert lah ni. But... ada satu tragedy ogos oktober berlaku, bila kitorang kat seksyen 15... kitorang tak nampak pun ade sign tunjuk arah tu one way, and kitorang kene buat U-turn... and jalan tuh hubung dengan hi-way dari klang express hi-way. Dah pukul 1 lebih dah time tuh... and mata pun bukan nampak pun. Nampak je gagah. Tapi aku rasa sabrina tak lah. Dia driver. Aku co-pilot dia. Masa tengah laju nak turun ke jalan besar... suddenly ade flash light dari arah depan... kitorang pelik lah kenapa ade kereta lain pulak...one more thing, lane kitorang ni dah dead end.. so, nak teruskan, sabrina turn to the right, so that boleh jalan... tak semena2 je... ade kereta laju dari depan , iyalah dari hi-way... and sabrina terus accelerate ke kanan untuk elak kereta tuh. Kereta tuh pun aku rasa tak perasan kitorang sedang menghadap dia. Hahah.. aku dah cuak gila dah. Memang gila cuak. Sebab tak prepare pun nak mati eksident ni. Hehe.. gurau.dah turn to the right tu, ade pulak longkang kat situ nak lalu ade bukit2 skit. Kereta yang masuk seksyen 15 ni memang laju2. Tak sempat nak reverse lansung. Ape masalah pun taktahu. Rupanya... seksyen 17 stesyen bas tuh dekat dengan ole2 mall. Iyalah, mana tahu selok belok kat shah alam ni. Kata new student, then lepas dapat cari tuh, aku jerit aaaa, sebab dah berjaya cari lokasi yang dikehendaki... tuh pun banyak rintangan. Dengan abang burger shah alam cakap versi terengganu lagi. Hahah!! takpa. Kita teruskan perjalanan ke putrajaya.

Rumah wawani...

so, dengan berbekalkan 2 large pack McD kentang goreng dan shmooookkk in green versi sabrina ... KAMI AKAN KE PRECINT 10, PUTRAJAYA!!! now, lalu la federal highway, and before masuk tol salak south tuh. Lalu Lanai and... dah sampai! Hoho...kejap je nak cari precint 10 tuh. Nak cari rumah dia satu problem sebab kat situ banyak rumah, and no rumah pun tak nampak. Haikh... then call lah dia. Mase ulang alik kat jalan yang sama tuh... rupa2nya simpang rumah dia kat sebelah tempat kitorang asyik lalu tuh. Okay wawani...we now know where you live. Masuk rumah dia then … lepak2 segala till 2.30am. By the way, mama dia takdak rumah sebab pergi umrah. Papa dia jep ada. Tapi dah lama tidur. And adik lelaki dia ada kat hall tengah tidur. Mase lepak2 tuh... sabrina sempat call aya. Okay time's up.

I drive sabrina ! Sabrina teach me!! polis ronda sebelah kereta je mase aku tengah drive! I am nervous but she tell me not to. I try to be as cool as I can be. I know how to drive. Haha... okay, plan sebenarnya nak pi KLCC nak cari The Ship restaurant kat Kg Baru ni. Tapi time tuh tak tahu nape , we are now heading to Cheras. Ohhhh... pergi downtown pada 3am. Ramai gak la orang time tuh. Mase otw nak ke downtown tuh. Aku ajak la sabrina pi tengok rumah aku jap. Hoho. Nak kasi dia tahu rumah aku kat mane lah kan. Sekarang dia dah tahu mana rumah aku.
DOWNTOWN!!! here we go!!! bought some jeans. Urut kaki. RM20. Smoking hot. We dont know where to go. No direction. And we were just wandering around that place. About 5pm, off to shah alam back... to seksyen 2, kick some breakfast have some coffee.

Kakak McD and spilled coffee on my lap.

Shait that kid. She was so clumsy till this hot coffee got spilled on my lap. And I was MF shouted at her. NVM. Thats your grandmother. And some Bi freaking me out at the ladies. They were spying on me. (is this kind of _________) . kami selalu tak tahu nak pergi mana. Until we drove around shah alam, and the beauty lies , we saw something... we wandered around the mosque, time tuh orang tengah solat subuh. Tetibe insaf. Hah... lepasni jadi setan balik. Haikhh... next... went back to college. Sleepless night continued.


Went for VHDL class. Without any preparation about the programming. That day... hujan lebat. And nak pergi faculty kena jalan kaki. Then faizer hantar... sama sekali ngan zara aya pika pija. Sabrina hantar dorang ke stesen bas. Sebab dorang kan nak balik rumah. Aku penat sangat, tapi takda lah sepenat sabrina yang kena drive all night long. Kami bergembira. Aku habis kelas VHDL pukul 10.30am. Having some difficulties about the installation of the CD. Ahhh.. takpa lah. Aku balik terus bantai tidur. Macam tidur2 ayam lah time tuh. Sabrina and aya should've slept. Ntah... hari tu aku takda mood sangat. Pukul 12 patut nya dah mandi and siap2 nak ambik wawani kat rumah dia kat putrajaya. Amazingly. Kami tak tidur. Dah macam burung hantu dah. Jalan nak susur keluar ke lebuhraya sangat la pack dengan kereta. Kami stuck lama sket kat sana. Pukul 1pm baru ade kat batu tiga, shah alam. Ride smoothly. Okay, wawani dah siap, kitorang nak pergi!!!


wah... petang2 ni lawa tangkap gambar. The best moment to keep the memories. Banyak jugak snap gambar. Hp kira, hp aya, kamera sabrina. That place macam gilaaaaa best. Korang patut pergi. Then teruskan perjalanan ke KL!!! time tuh tak sangka pulak hujan, tapi takla lebat sangat. Kitorang ingat nak pegi midvalley, but I texted nadira aqilah , dia cakap tempat tuh akan jammed. So, kitorang terus heading to Kg. Baru without hesitation. Wah... KL! Bad traffic. Banyak kereta area KLCC. The main target here was... to search for the place called THE SHIP. I know that the place is near to Kg. Baru. The specific place are not sure. Berhimpitan dalam kereta satu pengalaman yang indah because KL hampir nak banjir. We were wondering around kat tempat yang sama. pasar malam kat Kg baru menyebabkan traffic jammed yang heavy. So, like call apush and azwa, to know where we can breaking our fast, I mean the place. Apush pun bagi idea bukak puasa kat kedai mamak and azwa pulak cakap tak kisah nak pi bukak puasa kat mana sebab time tuh pun dorang still inside KTM segambut. Lupa nak contact neddy, ohhh dia ade dengan apush. So nevermind then. Kami arrived awal, so we decided to change the location. Then apush call balik, kitorang time tuh memang dah lost dengan hujan nya, dengan jammed nya. We thought that things will get worst before azan starts. Tapi apush gave another idea, sabrina terus drove to the place called...


bless you. Kitorang dah sampai tempat ni. Pastu reserved tempat duduk for about 20 people I think. XPDT's and PST's. So, sabrina park the car outside of the restaurant. And wait for the other to come. Aku take a nap. After 10 minutes, datang si siput sedut, nadira aqilah with her new hair I think. Ohhh dia colour kan rambut dia. Bukan main dulu dia kutuk rambut neddy terbakar, now rambut dia pulak yang terbakar. Hahahha!!! this time, rindu matrik membara. Seriously, I can't forget anything about it. Time tu dah pukul 7pm. So we went inside. In between tuh, ade adegan cari azwa and ain kat ktm. We don't know the exact place, so ade adegan lost and hampir mati punya cer. Segalanya si sabrina ni lah, and nadira aqilah si penunjuk jalan. With the help of nadira's mama. Soon, dah sampai and pick them up. Sampai2 je dah nak azan dah time tuh. Soon, nampak neddy, I thought I wanna have a chit chat with her, but dia sibuk tangkap gambar and berapi2. Aku pun sempat berapi2 bersama dia. Still I don't have the chance to share my story with her. Btw neddy, aku kena face-to-face with you if I have the problems to share. Aku taktahu la when the day will be the day. Sebab when kita keluar sama je, mesti time tuh kita tengah bergembira. Time tuh tak sesuai nak cer segala hape. Kita ade banyak cer sebenarnya. If god give us time to spend, i'll make full use of it. Lepas makan ala western tuh, kitorang decide nak karok kat redbox. Then semua rushed ke sana. Jalan kat KL ni memang selalu jam. Sebab peak hour kan. Tempah bilik, and karok ramai2. Best. Unfortunately, nad kecik balik dulu. Ade hal kot. Pastu mila ngan kawan dia plak balik. But nevermind... sesi photoshoot kat basement. Snap sana snap sini. Then time to leave...

Hantar Azwa and Kira balik rumah.

Scene ni aku tak berapa nak ingat. Jalan nak ke rumah azwa and kira aku tahu just nama tempat tak tahu. Dalam kereta myvi tuh berhimpit-himpit tapi its fun. Aku rindu dorang semua. Azwa, yang cheerful and kira yang good listener. Thanks sebab gave a blast memories. At first wani yang drive hantar dorang semua. We've decided to sleep at wani's house. Apparently, kawasan rumah azwa ramai betul ***** haha... sampai naik takut nak masuk kawasan tuh. After hantar azwa kat stesyen minyak, semua ayam dalam kereta tuh terasa lapar. So, kita pesan McD. YEAH!! balik cam biasa. Aku letih. And semua orang pun sama. Tapi wani kept on driving. Syabas!

Wawani's House, Putrajaya.

Kami tidur kat sana. Dah tak tahu nak drive mana lagi dah. Masing2 dah letih. Dalam.rumah tu actually ade ayah and adik wani. Dengan keadaan penuh malu, kami pun masuk lah dalam rumah dia. Hehe.. wani bentang tilam. And kami terbongkang tidur. Tak ingat dunia dah. Dalam sedap2 tidur tuh, time to sahur. Bangun je, terus pi dapur. Aku janji kat dorang aku nak buat sambal sardin. Haaa... masak lah aku kat dapur wani. Then, ayah wani ade. I was like malu malu. Haha!! korang mesti tak kenal aku lah. Then ade satu scene menarik, di mana aku terambil susu pekat yang ade tongkat ali inside. Cehs.. habis the susu tuhhh.. rasa pelik gak minum tongkat ali. Tak pasal2 badan rasa panas dan tetibe jadi lelaki. Kahkah. Silly me. Lepas makan. Sambung tidur balik. Till 1 pm kot. Not very sure about time. Tapi kitorang bangun tidur exactly dah noon dah time tuh.


We're still at Wani's house. Yet felt so smelly. Mandi pun tak lama. Well, kitorang tak mandi pun actually. Balik terus ke Shah Alam. Masa kat seksyen 16 near to Giant hypermarket, Sabrina decided nak basuh kereta kesayangan kitorang ni. Walaupun kereta sewa... sayang kot. Banyak bagi benefit and sangat comfit. Hehe... lain kali aku nak sewa lagi kereta ni. Nyam nyam... ade satu scene menarik mase tengah basuh kereta ni. Sabrina, acting like a guy, for your information... chinese guy. Dah la bulan puasa. Then dia pi s******. mana lah abg tuh tak tegur. Dia cakap, tak puasa ekh. Time tuh dia tengah bendera jepun, so like tak boleh fasting. Sabrina buat taktahu je. Aya and me pun tergelak kat tepi tengok abg bangla tuh tak puas hati dengan sabrina. Hoho... abg bangla dua orang tuh basuh kereta about 30 mins. Bayar & belah. Masa tengah basuh kereta tuh, aku ngan sabrina decided nak hantar aya balik rumah dia, dekat gombak tuh. Then... petang tuh lepas settle things up. Termasuk kemas barang aku. Aku bawak barang2 yang patut turun bilik aya. FYI, time tuh ptptn dah masuk dah. Ekeke... suka2.! Tapi first2 tuh memang ade niat nak buat something for myself. Now 2010-2011 tak tercapai hasrat sebab terlampau banyak impian yg tak dikecap. Ok back to story.... kitorang ni, tak tahu rumah aya kat mana. Tahu kat gombak sana. Tapi jalan dekat nak pi sana tak tahu. Dia pun tunjuk la nak lalu mana... jalan yang paling jaaaaaauuuuuuuhhhhhhh. Hahah.. stuck in jam. Then, lalu aaa hiway mana2 ntah. Then sampai. Rupanya, jalan paling dekat nak pi rumah dia ialah MRR2. Hahah!!! thanks aaa aya. You're the best. Sampai kat sana dah nak maghrib. So, lepas hantar aya kat rumah. Kitorang pun gerak keluar. Lagi satu hal, kitorang tak tahu jalan keluar, now, ikut kata hati. Disebabkan aku tukang tunjuk jalan. Aku berserah jelah kat diri sendiri. Saje tunjuk macam gagah kat sabrina. Sebenarnya nak nangis dah time tuh. Hahah!!! kalau aku ingat balik saat ni. Aku tergelak sebab sekarang ni aku kerap lalu jalan near to wangsa walk. Dekat je ngan rumah ajim and farrah. Hahaha!!! mana la tahu semua ni. Kitorang decide nak buka puasa kat wangsa walk tuh. Masuk aja. Terus cari domino kot. Tak ingat. Tapi sabrina ade discount coupon. er.. lah2 cari games station. Main la kitorang hingga nak maghrib sampai lupa nak bukak puasa. Sabrina tak. Aku ya. Then makan la kat satu tempat ni. Makan nasik ayam kot tak ingat. Tapi sedap lah. Sabrina ingat tak!!!??? then balik, sempat tengok2 hp. Haha.. padahal time tuh abg aku dah call, bila nak balik rumah semua, but still I can't get enough of it. Still nak lepak ngan sabrina. Best memory. Kan sabrina... banyak benda kan kita share. Nak tahu tak best place nak cer semua masalah aku. Kat dalam kereta, kita dua orang je ada. Haaa... time tuh aku selesa. Bukan text weh. Aku taknak text and simply tell you my prob. That's really uncomfortable. Ok back to story again... malam tuh kita balik uitm. Ade mase lagi 10 min before kereta kena hantar kat tuan punya kereta. How I miss this car so much. Seriously. Lepas ni kita ade buat macam tuh lagi tak sabrina? Herm... pusing2 satu uitm. Tak tahu man dah pergi. Uitm besar sangat. Then time tuh dah pukul 10.10pm. Time to say goodbye to myvi. Hoho... tunggu abang tuh amek kereta kat belakang mawar. Then kitorang siap2 sebab nak balik dah rumah masing2. (^_^)

p/s: cerita ni amek masa 3 bulan nak siap. Punyalah malas nak cerita. Tapi dengan izin, akhirnya selesai. Sebenarnya, nak buat cerita keluar ngan apush and nad masa malam raya tuh. But then, I really forgot what the scene back then. Hopefully, friendship kita won't fade away k sabrina walaupun kau macam2 budak2 sometimes, hehe.. aku pun sama.

Saturday, 4 December 2010

someday you will read this, i know.

To a person named I.A.M,

When we first met, I was in a secondary school in Malacca. You're my junior at that time. Boarding school to be exact. You stepped into my D*** innocently. It made me wonder, who are you, the real you. Finally. Without my prior knowledge... you revealed yourself on 23rd of May 2007. Let me get this clear. You've changed me. A lot. A lot until I fall down on your knee, begged you not to leave me. I still remember how you treated me. How you back stabbed me. I'm not holding grudge. It is unforgettable memory. The past washed me away to be this strong in such a coward way. I was so cheerful and clever, but when it comes to you, everything get messed up. I've lost everything including my dignity. I'm so stupid when I said YES to you. I never thought it will be this painful. The happiness only temporary but the scars remain so deep till I can't watch your face. But my finger kept on messaging you to ask whether you are in a good condition or not. I'll always wary. To me, you're just a kid that is so weak to stand on h _ _ own. I miss us. Yes. Maybe I just miss the old us. But I know, we will never going to make up in any way. It is wrong to love and to be loved in this manner. We're not well grown to be in this relationship.

When we first met, we are **** mates. Always studied together till midnight. Always boost each other not to give up. Shared things up. You are the person that always gave me your shoulder to cry with. I can't find the mistakes where we can put a fight. But we always fight! I know jealousy. I know you can't stand it. And me too! But we always slow the fight, finally we gave up and hug. We cry after the fight. I still remember where to find you if you run away from the fight. I know where you hide. I always know. My instinct towards you I.A.M kept on fire burning. It will never fade away. It shines and glows everyday. I.A.M... I know where my heart for you to keep after all this gone. You just throw away my diary, just to satisfy yourself. You're the cruelest person I've ever love. Everyday is you. I'm sick. I'm sick because I'm stopping my heart to love you. You teared my heart and crushed it heartlessly. Who are you anyway???

When we second met, I thought you are my destiny to keep on walking. You said it's too slow to walk together. But when I started to run... you held my hand. You said not to run too far from you. I nodded and ran. I have to watch my back so that I can see you. To make sure that I can still connected to you. I made a promise that I will never break it. But you broke yours. I still confused. Why you can't kept your promise. You made it, and ruined it. I miss you.

Dear love, I'm a star. When we last met, there is no LOVESTARZ anymore. There is no you. Also there is no me. I know where to end. All the songs that we've created had gone. To stop thinking of you, it takes 3 years to forget. How long it takes, it doesn't matter. But the painful does matter. Now. I can barely say... I hate You. You just a piece of scrap that nobody will ever give attention. You heard me. Everyone hate you. Stop being so nice and innocent in front of people. Is is so irritating.

No perpetuity LOVE,
_ _ _ _ _!

happy sweet 19 qeena

It’s your birthday buddy!
2 years of friendship. Don't you remember, today is 5th Dec. Never thought it would be this tough. My little friend is going to celebrate her birthday with her lovable friends. Let me get this clear. Now we are not in the same college because we're are not in the same course and university. Okay. I'm an engineer, she is a doctor. I don't know what kind of doctor. Maybe surgeon. Her expertise is to deal with dead body. Haha.. suka hati aku je. Tapi gambar kat atas tu, macam tak menunjukkan dia seorang bakal doktor. Sebab dia gila2! Dia tak suka suprise. I think, now.

Ok. today she's 19 year-old. With a perfect manner, everyone going to judge her perfect 'Cambodian' Edward syndrome. That is trisomy 18. this is a serious birth defect. That is why she is so petit and harmless. Nahhh... dia suka Edward Cullen. Itu dulu sekarang tak tahu dia suka siapa. Maybe pelakon India terkenal, Anamalai. Sorry qeena. Hahaha!!! In the opposite sides, I don’t wanna know. A very big fullstop.

1- Qeena is a tough wrestler. She can smack me down from bed to the floor. But I never scare of her. If you can't beat this buddy, mean you will never defeat me. Kidding.. ^_^

2- Qeena who likes adventurous sports. She likes to discover new thing. ok. I take one example, wall climbing. She has been through this sport. Tangan yang kecik ni boleh panjat dinding tuh. Ahhh... siapa je tak percaya. Dia boleh buat apa aja, if she wants to. But then, sekarang aku tak tahu aktiviti lasak yg lain dia dah buat. Besides she lied that she's going to engage for about two times. Tuh aktiviti paling lasak pernah dia buat. Hah! Lawak.

3- pig-headed. Oho.. ini budak. Contoh tanak bagi lah. Tapi aku tahu kau ada habit ni. Kita kawan baik kan. Tetap kawan baik selamanyaaaa.... -___- . ayat ambik hati.

4- hmm... aku tak tahu berapa kali kau dah nangis. Tapi, if kau nangis tu... mean You've had enough of it. Kau takkan nangis depan orang unless memang ade orang tengah lepak ngan kau. Kau pretend kau kuat lagi sekali. Nangis lah kalau kau nak, maybe boleh buat kau relief. Aku tahu bukan senang kau nak nangis. Hah! Tapi kau happy lagi lahhhhh aku happy. Cakap aaa ngan aku siapa yang buat kau nangis, biar aku belasah dia. Aku tahu kau rindu siapa. Susah nak lupa kan orang yang paling kita sayang. Banyak doa untuk dia ok. Aku kan miss drama queen.

5- Yes, you are clever. Aku sangat respect kau bab2 belajar ni. Kau boleh handle buku dengan cekap sekali. Kau dapat tumpukan perhatian kat buku eventhough ade orang kacau kau. Ahhh…!!! Aku cemburukan kau, sangat cemburu. Itu dulu, sekarang… aku tahu macam mana nak dapat apa yang aku nak. Focus. Pentingnya focus dan niat dalam study. Kau kawan yang boleh ajak belajar sama if masing2 dapat bagi advantages. Kenapa kau tanak belajar ngan aku??? Aku bukan kacau kau pun. Nevermind then kedek2.

6- hati kau baik. Kadang2 je boleh jadi kejam. Aku still ingat not 10 yang kau bagi kat aku. Macam mana aku boleh nangis tanpa henti. Aku kalau dah start nangis memang tak boleh berhenti. You are a friend that a friend need a shoulder to cry on. Aku ingat sampai mati. I promise. Aku still akan contact kau, walau kau tanak dah. Haha… heartless tak?

7- Handphone. Orang takkan stop calling and text kau. Aku adalah salah seorang mangsa yang selalu kacau kau. Kan kan?? Sick? Aku just Tanya khabar. Ini adalah kebenaran. Aku nak Tanya kau, sekarang kau pegang tak phone?? Kalau ye, smile Qeena. Aku hebat. Hahaha!! Aku tahu bila time kau nak off phone, bila battery phone habis. Hehe… tapi dulu, setahu aku. Phone kau akan kau tinggalkan kat bilik, then kau merayap mana ntah. Bilik tv kot.

8- aku macam nak genap2kan number ni sampai sepuluh so… a bit merapu kot lepas ni. Aku rasa kau suka life kau bila kau kay seremban. Kau ramai kawan. Kau akan cepat suit ngan orang baru. Itukan hobby kau. Yeke?? Yes, you are friendly. Very very friendly.

9- what else… jokes. Kau suka buat lawak tak?? Pada firasat aku, jarang skali kau buat lawak. Ke kau jenis yang buat lawak pada keadaan tertentu je? Ni persoalan aku. Tapi kau suka gelak yang style nenek takda gigi. Kan? And you think it’s cute. Kalau kau dah ketawa… tangan kau akan automatically bagi respond untuk kawal gelak kau. Yes. Itu dia.

10- ahhh…. Finally sampai jugak sepuluh. Hajat kau yang terakhir. Jadilah kau Dr Nurizzati Shaqina. Selamat berjaya sahabat!

Dah banyak aku membebel. Suka aku lah, blog aku. Hehe… hye qeena! Selamat hari lahir. Semoga panjang umur, murah rezeki dunia akhirat, dan sihat wal’afiat selalu.Amin. God bless you, buddy. Jadilah apa yang kau nak asalkan ia baik. Semoga kau temui apa yang kau cari selama ni. Dan moga ia tak berubah sampai akhir nyawa kau bila kau dah temui apa yg dicari. Cari lah aku kalau kau perlukan aku, I’ll always be there, selalu. You can count on me. (^_^)V

Thursday, 2 December 2010

rejuvenate from tears

You only know when is your heart going to burst. When someone that is so precious telling you that “this should comes to an end” time. All the nerve suddenly become dumb. Knowing that there is no one will stay by your side, act like a fool or you pretend to be dead. Is there any other way to run away from believing what you should not believe? I think you will become tantrum after letting this word attacking your brain. Scream to heal buddy.!!! How melancholy the situation going to be after this. I'm just a single women who tried to explain 'wattahellisgoinon' in broken-hearted women. Yeah, sometimes short-form can make ones go mad. Sorry.

Back to basic. Is there any love exist in the air? For now, no it isn't. Unfortunately, there WAS a long time ago.... where your heart is full of flower, not a bouquet of flower. It can't be describe by word. Only the chosen one can see what we can't see. For some way, the broken-hearted can be approached or cannot be approached... YOU CAN MEND A BROKEN HEART. Make them do belly laugh like Shakira and Beyonce did. Whether she bleak or bliss, our agenda is to make them laugh. Laugh is the best medicine for sorrow. I suppose it is.

This time you think that life is not as beautiful as you have planned. By the time you and your bf are going to break up, those beautiful birds turn out to be an ugly monster who try to eat you up. At the end, only your skull will remain as antiques. Okay, what I said just now not to scare you. It is just a bluff. ^_^

Don't blame yourself or anybody. It is not a mistake, there is no mistake at all. Plus, there is a saying, 'Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift'. That is why we called the present. Just go, live your life as if you know you'll be dead tomorrow. Deal with it. Stand up to face the real world. I always bare in mind “The real warrior never quits, I never quits”.

Why a single women can enjoy her life as she wants? People will give perception that she is lonely. NO, I'm not lonely and I'm happy to tell one. She can be with any friends that she like. Anytime anywhere without thinking that she's taken. Listen. there is no charge on awesomeness and attractiveness . Perhaps you just being YOU. A diode which has a forward-bias and can't except any electrical flow in reverse direction except in one way only, forward. Only YOU can change what you've been up to. Whether up,down, or side. Give yourself the opportunity to feel easy about new life.

People often said that you are what you eat. But when this happen,everything are not going to diet. Your empty heart have to eat. You eat when you are upset . After excessive eating, ensure that you do exercise. If too lazy, go for a walk. Walk until you're tired. Meet new people while you're walking. Yes. You have to. To forget whatsoever haywire your mind. Clean and clear it. Come on! There is a lot of thing you have to experience. Not only love. I woo you not to fall with someone else within 3 weeks. This 3 weeks are the days which you have to try everything that your wild mind never thought of it. Stop the talk. Start to act. Nothing is impossible mark my word.