rather a friend

After all the hard work passing by, I'm proudly said that sem 1 finished. I ain't going to repeat it again no! It will never. Momentarily, I had a stressful month. Thanks to my roommates, they're all understanding and always support me. Weyh..aku sayang korang dooeehh... no matter what happened we're always together. Lagu flybaits-kenangan lalu is our theme song,right? Baru je kejap berpisah, lagi 2 minggu aku akan jumpa korang semua. Nad, aku nak vid yang kita main guitar sesame tuh...

tak dapat lupa.. ramai2 dok luar balkoni and nyanyi while aku greng jreng all those chords. Weh...aku tgh practice play guitar lagi(skank lagu blower's daughter serta rocket). Aku rindu ar korang. Hmm...aku skank ni cuti 2 minggu and after holiday... we have to seat for MUET writing kan? Tak ingat and malas nak ingat. Penat la asyik exam je. Tapi....sometimes suka jugak exam2 ni. Najwa hanim, I really miss u bro. Damn miss u. when will we see each other? Banyak sangat aku nak citer kat kau. And also I wanna hear some secret that u have to tell me bro. What ever it is, are we still close friend?? I hope u will say YES because I said YES YES and it's true.

Btw, this isn't the reason why I write. What happened lately, was a biggest mistakes in my life. Arina is someone who concern and do care about her friends,FYI. Even kalau baru kenal pun...she's really going to make her friends happy and not sad at all. Argh... but this kinda probs was a very complicated one. Aku dah biasa and jelek dengan drama asrama and apa2 yang berkaitan dengan aksi budak2 asrama. Aku faham sangat. And kenal apa itu kawan dan sahabat. Apa itu suka dan duka. Aku dah kebal dan aku tak ade perasaan. Penat aku menangis hanya sebab kawan...kawan yang sanggup tikam dari belakang. Ok stop talking bout ur past backstabbing things.

okay2 this one is really am going to talk about the prob that I faced. Bukan nak cakap ape la... rase macam berat je nak cite. I mean this is a blog right... anything everything I said, suke aty aku la kan kan? Bloging bloging..bla bla bla... I want to make a confession. Hek hek serious la pulak haku nih.. hik hik hiksss.... (suke imran ajmain!!!!) highlight abe volley ngan mata lawa (bak kata Q,hot stuff). King king!

Ahhh yes, finally seluruh isi rumah aku asleep. And aku a bit terganggu tadi mase writing, skank pkul 12.30 malam. Mengantuk jugak ni...but I manage to cover balik dengan hisap sebatang rokok Salem menthol 14 and neslo panas yang aku bancuh sebentar tadi (iklan je ni). Lame betul mukadimah aku.(my mum woke up and kept mumbling,this's what mums do ok).

LINE CLEAR AT THIS MOMENT.

Its about i**. Who is she anyway... asymptote of my life. I can't never forget her anyway. For 2 years i'm trying to forget what she did to me with her boyfriend merangkap bestie aku. How in the world I can forget it easily, ape yang dikatakan dengan maksud SECRET?? iya lah..bongkarkan saja benda durjana ini. Biarkan saja semua tahu siapa yang hina celaka! Aku tak paham ape itu rahsia! Dia yang mengajar aku erti psycho. Apa, kau ingat aku senaif ini. Kau salah i**,kau dah under-estimate aku. Cuba check al Quran surah an-nisa' ayat 15. haha... rajin la selak2. Cuba korang pikir, every night I spend my sleep by crying the hell out. Like aku dah gila and also sewel to think of. Makan pun nangis, gelak pun nangis. Buku cakap LA TAHZAN,al Quran pun ada sebut jugak. Iya lah...who knows??? semua orang simpan rahsia sendiri, dosa and pahala pun sendiri2 apatah lagi kubur ye?

Memandangkan hari ni hari anjing aku, maybe ia akan berterusan sampai ahad ni. Aku gile2 moody today, if I had smoke down here... maybe I can relax myself for a while. Tapi...tak ada. (T-T)

arghh! Nak saja aku putarkan balik waktu,apekan daya dah takdir menentukan segalanya. Allah dah rancang,kita ikut saja lah. Dearest i**, am I supposed and deserved to love u better than your bf? Wtf! U just throw me away...and I stand up out-of-nowhere and smile all the way until now. U should see me now. How im proud to be who I am right now, see?? Ra** cakap tak elok hidup sorang2 w/o friends... hell out kalau aku perlu seorang kawan yang rapat. I really dah studied bout who friends really are and used to. Apa2 yang berlaku pada aku pada masa lampau selalu menjadi bayangan hitam aku. REALLY are... I**, you bribe me. U just think that i'm strong but itu dulu. Muka je harap ganas, tapi hati ni siapa tahu. Kau senang2 je hadir dan keluar dalam hidup aku as if aku recycler. Kau memang heartless i**. someday, god will pay whatever stuff that u did to me. And one more thing, thanks to u because all my life... I felt sucks about myself and felt really useless for the whole 2years.

New chapter of my life... with the new song, the blower's daughter,damien rice also lagu david cook,always be my baby. Huh touching dooeehh. Kali ni tahun kat matrik sangat komplikated. Ramai kawan banyak la ragam and perangai. So, instead aku bergelak ketawa kadang2 terselit jugak perasaan nak berkawan rapat really. Ntah macam mane tersangkut, ntah macam mana malaikat amin kan... dapat kawan baik. Nak dijadikan cerita... kami bersahabat kejap je. Tak tahu macam mane dia boleh touching lebih sampai aku tak dapat terima ape kemahuan dia, and I just fade away from her eyes, nak dijadikan pula seri cerita, Allah nak tunjuk something to me... and I found out yang she's really sayang kat aku. And kami berbaik tapi tak serapat dulu. Ntah... aku tak tahu mane silap. Tak apa, this coming year 2010, aku tak harap apa2 selain dari kawan sementara yang hadir sementara gelak sementara dan segala2nya sementara. Kesedihan melampau menyebabkan aku jadi sangat offensive terhadap orang sekeliling aku. Aku takkan berkawan rapat dengan sesiapa in the mean time.

Tapi this new chapter, macam sama je dengan ape yang aku pernah tempuh masa zaman sekolah primary aku. I can't take this. Ape yang aku idamkan iaitu I wanna make myself happy and live in peaceful life cuma angan2 sementara. Sadness rose up and happiness fell instantly for the last 4 weeks. What am I gonna do. Whoa! Damn... what am I gonna say. Dengan kawan backstabbers mulut lan***. I just kept smiling at them and dont say a word. Come on la ppl. This is the real life. U have to get used to it. U have to face it no matter the circumstances would be. Kau yang bentuk cerita ni so kau yang kene habiskan. Aku macam dapat satu kekuatan semula. Thanks to an**. Nice idea. Dah 2 hari duduk terperap kat rumah, macam2 pikir. Tu la kusowt je. Nak keluar, tapi tak tahu nak gi mana. Kawan2 near to my house almost,studied. Nak keluar malam boleh je,malas is the main factor. Kalau kat kolej memang volleyball court jela. Tapi kat sini basketball?? aizat pon tak reply my messages. Damn... aku tgh f**ked up. Dengan loving family... I really wanna die hard right now! Mental abuse...bla bla bla... boring!

biarkan semua berlalu macam tu saja. Kosongkan minda kau balik. Live life to the fullest. Use everything that u see. Hear the nice words from ppl around u. no matter what happen u're the best. And always thumbs up. Till then...