ahh..pedih 2x

Dear Agony.

next week results ups 2 keluar. Tak sabar-sabar nak menerima apa sebarang kebarangkalian yg menimpa diri ini. Ahah! REDHA AJALAHHH... Macam lagu ni.. David guetta “what are we supposed to do after all that we've been thru..and lirik terakhir dia now that the love is gone”. Apentah merapu.. Ahah!

Yelah... kenapa ekh duduk kat kolej ni banyak benda berlaku, bertalu2.. takda henti. Im trying to be strong at the outside. Ni nak bagi tazkirah kat orang diri sendiri tak dibaiki lagi,nanti konsekuensi dia macam carca merba. Tapi mujahidah cakap kat aku, apa2 hal sekali pun kita kena bersedia dan jangan terlampau merendah diri... okey, aku bagi satu contoh di sini. Kita ni nak pi sembahyang berjemaah... masing2 tolak menolak tawaran nak jadi imam, di situ kita dah nampak kecacatan dari segi ketidaksediaan dan low self-esteem itself. Antara alasan yang diberikan;

1- tak bersedia

2- takut salah baca

3- tanak baca doa

4- tak pandai jadi imam

5- banyak dosa

6- ada orang lain yg lagi terrer

7- suruh orang yg lagi tua jadi imam.

Secara keseluruhannya, dengan diri yg serba kekurangan beserta dengan tinta elektronik yg tidak seberapa ni, ada satu pepatah cina yang aku baca kat dalam buku motivasi kat kolej aku. Nak share lah kan... mungkin korang dah dengar dan segelintir tidak.

“UNTUK MENGENAL KEBAIKAN, SERIBU TAHUN BELUM CUKUP, TETAPI UNTUK MEGENAL KEJAHATAN SATU HARI SUDAH TERLALU LAMA”

perhaps, I should change a bit. Ada sorang kawan bawah umur ni tegur dalam bentuk text... dia cakap U changed a lot. Here... idk what's her intention. Tapi i've talked to momor. She answered... dulu aku happy, now aku nampak kusowt. The main point is why do people always babbling about me when they shouldn't? Tired of pretending. I swear everyday, I used to. Ohh.. forgot to tell something biggie2 secreto, btw its not a secreto anymore.

About my group in this weird old freak college. We are so closed, dulu lah... but nowadays...its like all messed up. No happiness surround us. We laugh we share we care we do crazy stuff we are everything man... aku tak tahu mana salah nya sampai... kitorang cold. But my E said, kena buatan orang. Because they envy of us being together. But the matter of facts, its all about the pyschology itself. They should've be more matured to think that there are more than what they think. E dengan penuh rasa benci kat Jat. Far tak penah marah2, tetibe leh mengamuk, yang Jot and Erm pulak like cold and cant look at each other. And P also... had a nightmares. Every night kalau boleh ada nightmare...sebab dia macam mimpi orang nak bunuh dia, or orang yg dia sayang nak bunuh dia. Pity for her. Nak overcome benda ni, kitorang keluar pi bahau. Lepak la kat sana. Walaupun it sucks. Mencarut aja tempat tuh. Ptuihhh! Idk.. y ppl gv such a mesmerized opinion about that place. Mengarut! Tapi, the best moment is... kami bersama2 balik. Hahaha.. pakcik prebet sapu yg di mana van nya ditolak oleh kami turut bersiar2 bersama kami. Pelik lah... tapi diakhir ceritera... segalanya makin okey when 2 days jumaat and sabtu.. kami tidur sama2 and lepak tengok movie sama2 sampai subuh. Ahha! Ntah lah... macam2 berlaku. Letih betul ngan problemms yg bertalu2.

P/s: , kenapa aku mesti tengok kau menangis? I tried to wipe it out. Tapi macam kau tepis tangan aku. Ahh! Sedih sengal tengok kau macam tuh. Tissue pun jadi lah. But still aku nak tahu. Hope kau cer sama aku later. Haa.. Yelahh.. I dont deserve AGAIN to know what's happening in your life then... we're not that CLOSE anymore. Tapiii... aku daapat rasa something fishy when I hangout with u. I think u mad at me. But im afraid to ask. Such a coward am I. I feel so down lately because of u. so, aku amek langkah not to disturb u. bukan camtuh.. tapi kurangkan fikir pasal hal kau “avoiding” to chat with me.. I know im wrong, but PLEASE do correct me. Tapi alasan kau yg kau busy study tuh sama macam aku. Tapi cara kita communicate tuh like we are so new...so awkward. So into an inappropriate conversation. Kena ke aku cer satu2 the way u treated me? No need kot because u/me create those scene. Apa sebab kau macam tu? I cant think. I know im 19 and u just 18. dari segi kematangan aku rasa kau lagi ok dari aku, kadang2. WHY ARE U BEING SO COLD TO ME? Answer me honestly as my friend . btw, thx for the kfc and oranges. LY! XOXO.

CONGRATS ARINA FOR THE GOOD RESULTS. MAYBE U SHOULD STUDY HARDER THAN THIS TO GET A GOOD GRADES. Bt,A-,Bt

utp here we go! (not sure)