sayang kau lah!

28-11-2009

Thank you God!

Today is eidulAdha. Woke up at 6.15 am dengan alunan music nickelback-rockstar. Can't wait to celebrate raya. Yang paling best, aku happy because of raya ni tak payah puasa. Tu yang beriya2 nak sambut... and one more thing. I want to visit my atok kat ttdi jaya, shah alam. Tolong my mum kupas ikan bilis, atok request buat sambal ikan bilis number 1 from my mum.

Kemas rumah kejap and online, as usual. Macam hari sambut raya tahun2 lepas, sambut dengan odang& to'ki (gelaran atuk) and wan & nanny& atok (gelaran nenek), felt like i've been blessed by God. Tu je precious moment that I had with them. FYI, odang and wan dah past away (Al- Fatihah). Odang past away on 1^st of february and wan 16^th of april. Still saved fresh in my memory.

Atok buat nasi dagang. Mak lang buat appetizer. Mak long buat ketupat and kuah lodeh. Mak buat sambal ikan bilis and rendang ayam. Sedapppp! Like kitorang dari rumah KL bertolak pukul 11 and balik pukul 4.30pm. Best apabila ada family gathering. Semua datang. And dapat jumpa adam amy and amin. Dah lama tak jumpa.

Sampai je rumah, online kejap. Ingatkan nak upload all those pix yang dah di”snap”kat rumah atok tadi. Tapi tak jadi, angah ajak keluar shopping. Ohh, I forgot to tell you. Kasut kuliah and kasut sport aku dah hancur. So, need to buy a new one. That is why kami shopping. Before that, qee2 called gaa2... we chat and talk and share a lot in a sec. Managed to call dayah to apologize something that I did wrong, and promised not to do it anymore. So, to conclude...dia tak marah aku pun. Aku je emo melampau.

Angah ajak aku keluar for 2012 and shopping. Like hell YEAH! Suka la. Lama juga aku tak hang out with angah. Supposedly, aku macam malas nak keluar masa hujan2 ni. Sedap tidur. Went to Jusco sebab dekat dengan rumah je, and shopping first. Belikan baju aiman. Yang tak boleh blah, baju kemeja untuk dia semua takda saiz, memang la budak kecik. Last2 jumpa kat Pdi. Warna pink unfortunately, dia dah buat muka. Aku cakap la kat dia lawa, trend lelaki pakai pink sekarang. Hehe..

then it's my turn. Letih jalan actually, dalam Jusco tu ada air-cond, yang aku tak faham kenapa aku berpeluh. Kene pakai rexona ni. Iklan 'no sweat', gahaha! Ok, dah dapat beli kasut sukan bersaiz 8 dan kasut kuliah bersaiz 9 dan another plan with giordano stuff. Harapan beyonce akan menjadi kenyataan.

Thanks angah! Sayang kau!

P/S: plan ke port dickson for party aras aku harap dapat diteruskan. Macam kene search apartment untuk 2 minggu yang akan datang. So, budak2!! tunggu ok! Hehe... macam banyak sangat plan dalam otak aku. Like guitar, movie, games, banana boat, sleep together, hang out, make noise, lala~~ A2 aras 4 wing B.... get ready!!!

Queer eye for the girl next door!

Credit to Arina

25^th nov 2009. result keluar. The aim for pspm 1 tak tercapai seperti apa yang dirancang, but semuanya ada hikmah disebalik apa yang telah berlaku. Aku dah banyak muhasabah diri, aku tahu ia takkan pernah cukup dengan apa yang telah dikurnia pada aku. For the 1^st time I feel so stup**. Tapi, dengan adanya kawan2 disekeliling aku. Im strong. Thanks qee2. Bagus jugak budak kecik ni punya cgpa, like roomate dia si penari kenit pun bukan main kencang. Haha... Alhamdulillah, perjuangan aku bersama roomate A2.4.12 dapat diteruskan, semua baik2 belaka. To alive, to bunga cinta hati, to mckenzie aku nak teruskan semua perit ni dengan korang. Sama2 kita berjaya ok! Sorry for everything that i've done.

pagi tu bukan main tak nak bangun dari katil. Semua rasa tak keruan. Mandi pun tak basah (eceh, yeke?) budak kecik tu bangun pukul berapa entah, pakai selendang punya pasal. Haha... kantoi. Yelah, kuliah pun macam nak taknak dengar, sebaik ada cikgu nasir(terbaik), walaupun aku selalu kena aim sebab datang kelas dia lambat, but aku tahu dia sayang aku. Haha perasan. Kelas pukul 9, lansung tak dengar apa lecturer bebel kat depan, macam nak muntah sakit perut pening kepala... all of sudden, like every single penyakit datang hinggap kat aku. Semua budak kelas pun sama. Bukan nak kata apa, macam nak amik result... tak seperti nak amik result amal baik dan buruk kita later. Aku texted semua roomate aku. Cuma sorang je tak reply because takda kredit.

Ok, kelas physics like hell lambat lepaskan kitorang. Yang paling klakar sekali kat meja aku la. Mana taknya ade amir sengal tu. Aku pun turut melayan karenah budak2 tak akil baligh dia tuh. Bersama jejaka idaman kuala lumpur (JIKL), farik... buat aku lupa sikit pasal result. Then 10.20 baru en adzman tu lepaskan kitorang, sempat lagi bagi tazkirah.

Tengok result. Sepuluh kali aku tengok tak percaya. ok. Nasib baik semua atas langit. Kalau atas pagar... malu gila ngan akak aku. At least aku dapat pertahankan ayat tiga dalam studies aku. Kira aku survive, and aku boleh teruskan plan aku untuk masuk UTP or UKM or USM or UM. Engineering menjadi idaman. Tolong doakan aku.

Aku risaukan diri aku je. Orang lain kalau nak terjun longkang pun pergi la. Hope tak ganggu flow aku. Sekarang ni, apa yang aku hajatkan, walaupun tak tersinggah lansung dalam aim yang telah ditetapkan, namun aku managed untuk redha and teruskan perjuangan. Ada banyak lagi peluang menanti depan aku later. So, instead of mourning and not grateful with what i've got... harus aku teruskan kehidupan. History tak dapat diundur, tapi dapat diperbaiksemula. Teruskan perjuangan. Kalahkan along angah acik aiman and hani. Make my parents proud of me is my mission. Bukan setakat main volleyball je hebat. Studies too.

To my F2P1,

tak sangka kelas kita rangking first dalam kuliah F2. Bangga gila korang tahu. Walaupun aku macam tak selalu lepak ngan korang, but kita selalu gak buat group discussion(perempuan je). Rangking practicum kita dapat no 24 dari 50+ practicum yang wujud kat KMNS ni. Like band 5 pun dapat 3.5, nape dia tak belajar rajin2 masa kat kmk?Bagus jugak kita, walaupun ada sekor dua ekor puaka. Kita serasi bersama. Haha. Tot tot.. thanks for the great memories...

The AIM:

-ikhlas

-jaga hati dan hubungan sendiri/kawan2/parents/Allah

-no day-dreaming

-beri makanan untuk hati kering ni

-stop being childish

-happy and being happy. (she knows when im not)

The TARGET:

-UTP, UKM, USM, UM

-SLR

-license

-volkswagen classics

-blackberry

-the Yamaha Acoustic guitar

-the Drum lessons

P/S: budak kecik Q, kau banyak sangat simpan rahsia aku. Hope apa yang kau dengar dari aku or kawan2 aku, kau simpan rapat2 kemas2. Even sakit hati dengan aku sekali pun jangan kau sebut pasal past life aku. Kau like dah jadi pemegang rahsia terbesar aku. Selain dari roomate aku tahun lepas. So, aku bergantung harap kat kau sekarang. Thanks cuz being my GOOD friend. Dah naik pangkat. Haha... kau memang gila. Kau heartless (sebenarnya TAK)... thanks for the POST-IT notes yang kau tampal kat tudung aku hari tu. Mesti kau ingat punya, nightmare for me. Aku pissed off sangat. Perangai kau macam budak2. Banyak ar benda pelik dan best aku nak buat ngan kau. Ok, later kalau kau nak rock climbing ngan aku, I'll say yes k budak? Sayang kau, muah!

sorry babe. I'm weak.

A cup of tears for a friend.

I promise u...

I'm always there...

When you're heart filled with sorrow and despair...

I'll carry u...

When u need a friend...

You'll find my footprints in the sand.

Asking about them. Did I promise something and I forget to fulfill it. Looking back to the past; we had to turn back. Just to remind and heal the pain that we've made. So, I did promise my friends. Common mistakes always occur among us towards perfection of friendship.

Hmm..i felt that I am too concern about my friends rather than family itself. FYI, I didn't see what are the advantages of being with family. 'As if' I strongly said that I had enough with it. I spend my time, almost 24/7 with my FRIENDS in hostel. Like, if I live in the house I mean HOME... there was nothing. Its not a home... I just can't say it. I am too sad and pathetic with my life. I need someone to give me hope so I will stand up on my own feet with a little bit of attention from the one whom I loved the most.

I'm not asking for your sympathy. It just attention what I need right now. Because emptiness surround me. I can't think wisely enough. There is no way for me to see the light, supposedly, to walk through it. I can't cry. I can't give my tears that easily. I'm an egoistic. Just lend me your heart, so I can feel the warmness of yours. Give me a piece of calmness. I am restless. My joyful life come and go whenever they want. I hate to be myself because I'm weak. I'm weak to speak. I'm weak to become myself. The person that everybody thought was cool, superb, energetic, talkative, determined, strong, happy... fade away out of nowhere. I'm glad if I had a friend that always give me good advises. Let it be her not him.

Dear Allah,

I'm lost in my own imagination. I can barely find my way out in my own destination. Please guide me to let myself clear about my path. If they destined to be bad... turn it to be good and smooth.

Dear Allah,

Hear me. I know you'll be with me. When I'm sad and sorrow. When I feel glad and joy. Through this life that are full of expectation, I'm struggling with the person that is me. Too scared to be true. Too thin to be tough. Too fragile to be solid. I even don't recognize myself once. Give me some dignity, the unrealistic obstacle that I have to remove it from this black small heart. Within this heart, there is a rainbow after the rain falls. I believe, some day... that day will arrive.

Dear Allah,

regarding this feelings. I know I'm not gratitude with all thing that you've given. Everyday I'll count my blessings. I'll practice to gratitude and NEVER EVER MOAN or COMPLAIN about where I currently are.

May Allah bless me. (^_^)'

=how in the world I can eliminate self-doubt in me=

bila diri rasa nak lari dari rumah.

hey..back. dengan rumah takda lampu. there's no light at all. feel empty inside this broken heart. there is no space in here. no. i cant find anything interesting. truthfully, im in despair. huh... its too crowded in my home. ok, there is no one actually. that is why, i said empty.

there is no home sweet home. the house that i called HOME isnt sweet anymore. i hate home. and i dont wanna live in it. i will cut myself out. grrr....

i hate myself like i love myself. yes, i did. and i almost forgot what's the meaning of family. i got one already. maybe i need more LOVE. tinggal lagi 2hari je nak bebas tak berduit. yes2!!

maybe i'll tell u bout yesterday stories. lot of attention i got from friends. shall i called it friends are EVERYTHING, maybe certain ppl wouldnt think in my own way. they have their's.

i went to sunway... yes it is. my close pal. my new pal. my happiness came. i felt so happy yesterday. boleh tak macam ni selalu... macam tak redha dengan ketentuan. but it's a fact. only god knows why.

IM SORRY QEENA .. DIDNT EXPECT IT!!

i've been there for (sunway pyramid) for the third time. not only for shopping but ice skating. there is NO ICE RINK IN MALAYSIA BESIDES SUNWAY. erm.. btw, u should go there and break some legs. rawk gila. feel so breezy that day.

i found myself when i am happy.

to my friends,
we have been together.
a lot of circumstance that we've been through as a friend.
friendship is the most valuable price that u will never buy.
search it... someday u'll need it.
i thought there is no FRIENDS in my life.
thank u God cause giving me this soft fragile heart.
i'll accept them.
i dont know where is my fault,
because they such a nice ppl.
let this memory long lasting
till my last breath...

Dear friends,
Dear God,
Dear feelings,
please...
please dont run away from me.
cause i need u when i feel cold and shiver.
i really feel lonely this time.
i scream there is no voice.

im sorry pal if i make a mistakes.
like, she said...human merely a human.
as simple as that.